puppy love

Oh my. I am messed up!

First, I guess I should say that we got a puppy last night. But today I’m not feeling so good about it. Where to begin?

I guess I’ll start by saying that once you get married, people begin pressuring you and asking you when you’re going to have kids—this has been my experience, anyway. And now that nearly a year has gone by in our marriage, some people have even wondered whether our marriage is okay. (Marital trouble cited as the reason we aren’t having kids yet.) For the record, our marriage is more than okay. I have the best husband in the world.

However, there are specific reasons why I am not ready for children yet. I know what these reasons are, and my husband knows. That’s all that matters to me. No one else needs to be involved.

But what does this have to do with a puppy? Well, the same reasons I’m not ready for children are causing me to feel not ready for a dog, either. Every time I’m around the puppy, I feel happy and excited. She’s a doll. But when I am not in her presence, I have major second thoughts and feel dreadful.

The reason I am messed up is this: How come I didn’t know I wasn’t quite ready for a dog YESTERDAY before we got the dog? Could have been useful information. Because now I just don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I love this dog. My husband loves this dog. But every time I think about it logically, my senses tell me I shouldn’t keep this dog. Which should be a good enough answer—if I feel so weird about it, I probably am not ready for a dog.

At the same time, though, I often get buyer's remorse. I don't know for sure why, but I do. Sometimes I feel sad about a purchase even though it was the right thing at the right time. It's confusing.

The crappy thing is that we are getting quite emotionally attached to it. I know I’ll really be letting my husband down if I decide to take her back to the rescue. He loves her and doesn’t have any of the same hang-ups I do. However, he is being absolutely awesome about this. He hasn’t gotten upset even once about the fact that I’ve been pushing for a dog for months, and now when it finally happens I change my mind. He just tells me he wants me to be happy.

And I don’t feel deserving of that. It’s making me teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband like that. I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but a decision must be made. I’m just glad my husband will support my decision no matter what it is. He’s the best.