i write.

I am a writer. Why am I telling you this? Because I finally feel as though I am reaching for my dreams rather than just wishing for them. I have always wanted to be a writer (and I always have been -- I've kept a diary since I was five years old.)

But lately I've felt the pull to make my writing dreams a reality. Some of you have asked what exactly I'm writing, so I'll tell you. I've been polishing my poetry and getting it ready to send out, planning and writing posts for a new blog with a different focus, brainstorming my novel. I've been writing. And this is a good thing.

Are you living your dream?

JD at Get Rich Slowly (one of my favorite blogs on personal finance) has a great post about doing what you dream and daring to fail. You can find it here. It's an inspiring post that helps you look at whether you're living your dreams or making excuses for not doing so, and suggests how you can work to change your situation if you need to.

I'm inspired. In fact, I've been inspired for a while. I've been making a few changes in my life, and they are happening slowly but surely. Some of them (like finding a new job) is a forced change because of our upcoming move. But my dream of being a writer is something I'm finally working to make a reality. I'll keep you posted on updates there.

What are your dreams and are you working toward them?

make a difference

I recently started browsing through No Impact Man's blog. He decided that he and his family would try to make no impact on the environment for one year, and he chronicles his adventures on his blog. It's a drastic but fascinating concept, sort of like a modern day Walden Pond.

Anyway, for those who want to make a difference but aren't ready to live without electricity and running water, another blog, Crunchy Chicken, is hosting a 'Low Impact Week,' which will be June 1 - June 7. She gives lots of good tips and ideas for making small changes for just one week. I think I'm in. I've been wanting to reduce my impact on the environment in small ways, and this is a good way to start. I'll post my plan for Low Impact Week later...

If you're up for the challenge, join me!

pat's run 2007

Well, Pat's Run was simply amazing. We (me, John, family members) finished the race, and I even finished faster than I thought I would. I had planned on walking the course, but my enthusiasm took over once we got there, and I started the race jogging. I walked most of it, but it ended up that I jogged a mile or two. I'm really sore now as a result.

Anyway, I posted most of my thoughts on the matter here, if anyone cares to read it. If not, just know that it was a wonderful experience that I would do again in a second. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much that I went running yesterday, and plan to do more walking/running several times a week. I see a 5K in my not too distant future, as well. I'm inspired.

chance meeting at a birdbath

I met Jewell Parker Rhodes today. She is truly one of the nicest people I have ever met. She writes novels and she is the current director of the Piper House. I want to be like her.

Here’s how it happens. I had finished up with a meeting across campus from where I normally work. I was walking back to work but decided to take a little break first. I stopped at Piper House and sat beside a fountain, reading Girls in Pants.

Suddenly there was a bird in the fountain; he was black, and purple, and velvety looking. He walked around the fountain, eyeing me. Then he jumped in and splashed himself all over. I watched in fascination for a couple of minutes until the bird flew away. Jewell Parker Rhodes was suddenly next to me and said, “Wasn’t that beautiful?” She proceeded to tell me the history of Piper House, and how she had insisted that the fountain be put in, along with several other details that make Piper House so inviting.

I knew exactly who she was, but she of course didn’t know who I was. Yet she talked with me as if we were old friends. We introduced ourselves to each other. We exchanged our dream of writing a young adult novel (she writes mostly adult fiction). She asked me to email her so she could mail me a book. She said that we would bug each other until we had started writing our novels.

Meeting her has inspired me, not just to write (though she did inspire that), but also to be a good human being; to love and to embrace life. I am filled with light, just because of her wonderful spirit. I want to be that for other people. I feel so blessed to have met her.

i'm going to take pictures

So much is going on in my life right now, some of which I plan to post about, to sort my thoughts out. But first, I just wanted to mention one thing. I signed up for Self Portrait Challenge. I've been wanting to for a while, but I finally did it.

Basically, they give you a theme for the month, and each week you post a photograph (a self portrait) you took that deals with the theme. I'm no photographer, but I want to be. I figure this is a way to get in the habit of taking pictures. So bear with me if I post some amateurish or bad photos. At least I'll be taking pictures.

This month's theme is: the body. So stay tuned.

sang as they walked

John and I went on a four-mile walk yesterday. It felt surprisingly good. And the best part is that we did it in about an hour, which is fast for us.

We were actually doing a practice walk for an event we signed up for: Pat's Run. Proceeds from the race go to the Pat Tillman Foundation. I think it's a worthy cause, and I'm happy I get to be a part of. Not to mention that Pat Tillman is my dad's hero; I knew this run would mean a lot to him.

So next Saturday we (along with five other members of my family) will be walking 4.2 miles for Pat's Run. I'm so excited. My original plan had been to run this, but it turned out that walking was the better choice this time. I do have a goal that a year from now I (and I hope John too) will be running a 5k or two.

update on my goals

I announced last week that I had set a goal to exercise 5x a week, and I’m updating you on my progress. Last week I didn’t hit 5x. But I did do 3x, which is much better than I usually get. This week I plan to get the full five.

I just got back from my morning break; I walked around campus for 15 minutes. It’s an easy way to get my exercise in. Unfortunately, it’s starting to get hot around here; I’m going to have to find another simple way to exercise, because the heat is already killing me.

I also signed up for Joe’s Goals. I like it so far. I wouldn't say it's exceptionally motivating, but I do actually feel motivation if I know I get to check it off a list. So I think it’s good. At least I get to see the progress I’m making. I like it.

And if you’re wondering about the body fat percentage test I took…I’ll just say it was discouraging. My fat content hasn’t changed in the past two years, despite the effort I’ve put in to improve my health. I guess I’ll have to make some more changes. I have a feeling it’s the eating habits that are dragging me down.

i'm gonna do it

Okay, I am publicly announcing that I set a goal to exercise 5 days a week for at least 15 minutes. I signed up for Leo's March Challenge over at Zen Habits. Go sign up too--any goal you want to work on for the month of March.

They say if you tell people about a goal you're more likely to achieve it (because of the negative publicity if you don't). So I'm testing that theory out. The real challenge is setting aside 15 minutes and actually doing it. 15 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, but you'd be surprised how often I DON'T exercise for any amount of minutes. I'm starting out slowly to get the habit. I'd like to work up to 30-60 minutes of exercise. But first things first.

And to kick it all off, I coincidentally signed up for a health screening today. By 10am I will know my height, my weight, and my body fat...oy. I'll let you know how that goes...or not!

more goals

Oh, and I succumbed to Joe's Goals. (It's a goal tracking tool.) I don't know yet if I'll like it, but I'll let you know once I try it out. Anyone have any experience with it?

i've wanted to do this for some time

I want to start a website. I have a couple of ideas for it. I love the thought of providing resources for people, of gaining readership and building something that people can come to and enjoy. But here's why I hesitate:

1. I tend to move from one topic to another. I fall in love with an idea for a while, but then I move on to the next thing I fall in love with and leave the former thing sitting alone by itself, wondering why it's suddenly so very alone. (Case in point -- DDR. Six months ago I was in LOVE with DDR. Now? I use it about once a month, if that.)

2. I don't post consistently enough right now. If I did start a website, I would need to post frequently -- daily would be optimal.

Well, those are the main reasons for my hesitation, but...I think I'm just going to create one anyway. I need an outlet. And I might as well do this. The fact is, the topic I'm thinking about has been on my mind for a long time -- for two years, at least. It's actually a topic I've always been interested in, so I'm less likely to abandon it.

I'll let you know if I actually do it.

freeing myself from clutter

My house is a lot cleaner since I posted last. I'm following advice from Zen Habits, and I'm working to develop some simple habits. Here are the current two habits I'm working on:

1. I make our bed every morning. Something about the bed being made changes my whole outlook.

2. I put my clothing away every night. No more piles of clothing by the side of the bed.

I'm working on other stuff too, but these are two habits I am building this month. I will tell you that it has made a difference. I'm more willing to clean up other areas of the house. I'm more empowered to accomplish projects that I have been putting off for two years. TWO YEARS. That is how long we've been married and living in this condo, and that is how long I have waited to print out my wedding pictures. (It's more complicated than just printing the pictures; I also have to find out why some of the pictures have bad resolution and contact my photographer who is also a good friend and have her fix them, and THEN print them. So I'm not just lazy.) But the point is, I feel empowered to actually do all those things I've had on my list.

setting goals for my health

I wish I could find a doctor I had any faith in. I've been experiencing some vertigo/dizziness problems. I went to the doctor today because I am sick of this feeling.

She checked my ears for an inner ear problem and checked my eyes to see if it was a nervous system problem. I guess it wasn't that, because her only advice was: "Rest your eyes every 15-20 minutes."

Thanks. That's $10 advice I could have dispensed to myself. My only other option is to go with the advice of my chiropractor, and drink a special detox beverage. She thinks my hormones are out of whack, and a good detox would clear things right up.

What do I think? I think I need to treat myself to a strict regimen of exercise 5x a week (no excuses!), and seek out a new counselor. The exercise because of all its healing properties, and the counselor because I need a sounding board and because I want to learn to think in new ways. Healthy ways.

I really think exercise is the key to many, many problems in life. Exercise is better than many (if not most) prescription drugs at curing ills. Why I'm not strict about doing it, I haven't figured out. But that's going to change. I'm going to treat exercise like a prescription. It takes longer than swallowing a pill, but I know for me it's just as necessary.

So, along with my house-cleaning habits, I'm going to add exercise in.

zen attitude

I found a website called Zen Habits that I hope will help me get organized. I really like the site so far.

I've just been frustrated (once again) by the fact that my house doesn't stay clean longer than five minutes. I don't have a system set up, and I also have bad habits such as putting my clothes in a pile by the side of my bed at night instead of hanging them up or putting them in the laundry hamper.

I'm tired of it. The clutter gets to me and I feel unsettled. And I feel like I can't start a new project or do anything fun until I get the house in order. But my house is never fully in order, so I never really get any projects done.

my favorite day

It’s my birthday, so I’m going to do a year in review. Some great things have happened this year, and surprisingly, I’ve done some great and interesting things. Sad and hard things have happened as well, but life is like that.

I think I’ve developed as a person this year, and that’s important to me. I think it’s taken me longer than most to get to this point, but at least I got here. This year, in 2007, I look forward to so much more growth and discovery of who I am. Here’s to another wonderful year.

p.s. I look really hot in my new clothes I'm wearing today. Do I care that it's capris and a short-sleeved shirt in the middle of winter? I don't care -- I look hot!

On to the list:

January
I had jury duty for the first time in my life. We got a puppy and a day later realized we shouldn’t keep it. I took a Chinese calligraphy class at ASU. John & I spent our first night apart when John flew to New York for a fellowship assessment. John and I went to San Antonio and also celebrated my birthday there. John gave me a mandolin for my birthday. (I have yet to master the instrument.) John went to the emergency room (it turned out to be an infection that was causing his throat to swell.)

February
I got a raise. John turned 25. We started seeing a nutritionist. I got bronchitis.

March

We had our first wedding anniversary, and spent the night in Tucson. I joined SparkPeople.com. I got fake strep throat. I had a weird reaction from the penicillin for fake strep throat, and the rx was to go to the tanning bed.

April
John and I both got pneumonia. My little sister got married.

May
John graduated with an MPA and was the top scholar/citizen. We bought a PlayStation II and Dance Dance Revolution, and life hasn’t been the same since.

June
We jumped on the LOST bandwagon and caught up on all the episodes. John gave me an iPod. Just because. We babysat our niece while our sister had our nephew.

July
Stuff happened, but I don’t remember what…

August

We took a tour of Colorado City. And some other stuff I don’t remember anymore.

September

My family began their virtual walk across America. John and I locked ourselves out of our house and had to get a locksmith to let us back in. John took a trip to Athens, Georgia to visit the school there.

October
Barbra Streisand called me personally to remind me to vote. John visited Lawrence, Kansas and Bloomington, Indiana to visit potential schools. John got a new job. John and I went with my dad to see the drag races in Las Vegas.

November
John and I both voted. (Thanks, Babs, for reminding us.) John and I took a trip to Newark, Delaware to see the school there. We saw a performance by Dolan Ellis, Arizona’s state balladeer.

December
John got Karaoke Revolution, and life hasn’t been the same since. I got a Magic Bullet and sewing machine for Christmas, and life hasn’t been the same since. I registered for a writing class. We started hiking in earnest.

John and me, for my birthday last year in San Antonio:

wild and precious life

I haven’t mentioned how my writing class went last week. I haven’t written here at all because I’ve been busy writing for the class.

I go into the classroom on Wednesday evening and sit around a circle with about 20 other people. I look at each of them, knowing I will know them all a lot better by the time this class is over.

The teacher makes odd jokes; he tells us we must write ‘real’-- from our hearts. He tells us we must write for 30 minutes, five days a week. He tells us we will be ‘sharing’ our writing with the class. He tells us that this class will change both our writing and our being, or he will personally refund our tuition money.

The teacher says, “If you can’t commit to these things, now is the time to get up and leave.” One person left. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to get up and walk out the classroom door. This class scares me – this writing ‘real’ and sharing it with strangers. But I didn’t get up. I stayed. I know this class is what I need.

The syllabus shares a line from a poem by Mary Oliver:

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

That is why I am staying. For the possibilities. For the chance to see myself and the world in a new way. For the chance to live my one wild and precious life.

looking at the bright side

I've had a bit of a bad week. Feeling a little better now.

I'm going to list some of the good changes going on in my life so far this year.

1. I made bread. Not for the first time (maybe the third time), but the first time that it tasted good. And boy did it ever! Sometimes, I'm a really good cook.

2. I go on walks and hikes with John. Our goal is three times a week, and we're doing pretty good. Last Saturday we hiked in the White Tank Mountains. This week I think we're going to try Papago Park. Being outdoors with the one I love really improves my mood. Winter in Arizona is so wonderful.

3. I sewed something. John gave me a sewing machine for Christmas, and I used it! I can't wait to get better at sewing so I can try some of the projects I have floating around in my brain.

4. I'm still registered for the writing class...it starts January 17th. I'm still nervous, but still moving forward with it.

it's a new year

So I've had about a million things I wanted to post on here, but something kept me from it. It's like I got shy or something.

But I guess I'm over that. The new year is upon us, and unlike many people, I love the new year, it is significant to me, and I look at it as a new beginning. Which I could use right about now, so I'm already loving the new year.

I'm so happy. I feel ready for new things. I have a lot of things I want to say, but I guess I'll save them for my next entry.

Happy new year.

thinking about tomorrow

The wheels in my mind are turning. I’ve talked before about life goals and how I don’t really have any. I encourage other people to pursue their dreams, but I don’t look inside myself long enough to know what my dreams even are. So I’m thinking.

And meanwhile, here are pictures from our trip to Delaware. I think I could enjoy autumn if I lived there. In Arizona, all autumn means is that there is darkness after 6pm. That’s depressing to me, and hence why I don’t like fall. However, Delaware convinced me that fall could be pretty nice. Most of the pictures are on University of Delaware's campus.

Pretty, no?

fast moving blues

I need a paper journal to record thoughts like these.

I can’t hold it together anymore. I realized that I am not working toward any goals, and I’m not accomplishing much of anything. I worry incessantly about things outside my control. I don’t do much about the things within my control.

I’m struggling. Not sure what to do about it. I want to run and keep on running. But I probably won’t.