stuff

1. I feel very bad about the following:

My coworker/supervisor (When I was hired, she was my direct supervisor. Now we're pretty much coworkers even though she still treats me as though she's my supervisor. When I get my raise and title change, I will consider her a coworker and act that way.) said something to me and a coworker that made us feel like we're being babysat.

Later, I was about to make the comment to her, "I wonder if I should tell coworker/supervisor that her comments make me feel like a peon." I didn't get the words out of my mouth because coworker/supervisor walked into the room. I snapped my mouth shut and felt like a jerk.

Especially when coworker/supervisor said, "Why do you guys always get quiet when I walk into a room?" (I don't know what she's referring to when she says 'always'.) "I'm not dumb. I know you do it." I had no comment. I just felt so stupid and ashamed, because though I don't always do it, in this instance she was dead on. I was talking about her. And I shouldn't have been.

My relationship with this woman was already strained. Now she thinks I'm sitting around talking about her all the time. Sigh. When the title change comes, I will just interact with her much less. Or when I get a new job. Whichever comes first.

2. I finally called a doctor today. Last night I was coughing and scratching my face so hard that I woke up out of a dead sleep. I thought I was having an allergic reaction of some kind. Maybe I was, and it was the last straw. I'm tired of sneezing all day long. I'm tired of itchy eyes, throat, nose, mouth, lips. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of depression. Sick and d*** tired of all these things. So I made the call. Of course, I probably won't get in to see a doctor for a few weeks, but at least I made the first move.

I still need to call my counselor and get an appointment, but I guess I'll focus on one thing at a time.

3. I like to make lists.

4. It is currently 3pm. I get to go home in two hours! tick tick tick tick....