i don't know what i was thinking

I have never worn fake nails in my entire life. That's the premise here.

I've also never had great fingernails -- they break easily, so I just keep them short. This has never been a big deal to me. I'm a low-key person, and pretty casual. I've never cared much that my nails don't look fabulously manicured. Even on my wedding day, a day when every other person I know put fake nails on, I sported my own nails. I grew them out a little longer than usual, and got a french manicure from a salon. But they were my own nails.

But yesterday? I got this bright idea to buy fake nails from the grocery store. Why? I don't know. I thought it would be a good idea. And when I get a good idea, I don't let it go. So we went to the store, bought the fake nails, and then I glued them on. That's when I realized I had made a terrible mistake. They actually didn't look half bad, but they hurt like the dickens. And also, I felt like I didn't have full use of my hands anymore. Long nails are such a hindrance!

I figured I was stuck with them for a few days, but one of the nails accidentally popped right off. Aha! I managed to pry the rest of them off too, albeit with some messed up nail beds left behind. All of the fake nails came off, that is, except the one on middle finger of my right hand. And it is stuck to me like glue, as it were.

So now I'm stuck with hideously ugly nails -- glue everywhere, with patches of nail ripped up -- and then one long, french-manicured middle finger. It's ridiculous. My coworker says that if I need to flip somebody off, at least it will look pretty.

And now I know -- I should never, ever put fake nails on ever again. Ever.