dark day

My emotions have been all over today, but right now I am down. I woke up that way; must have been my dreams. But I feel so useless. So utterly pointless. I'm scared of some of the changes that are coming up in the near future. I haven't blogged much about any of those changes, because...well, because. I will soon.

Anyway, it's days like this that make me wish I had never heard the word depression before and didn't know a thing about it. Just this morning I was feeling thankful for the things that depression had given me--things like compassion and patience. It has made me humble and brought me closer to God. For those things I am thankful. But right now I don't feel so very thankful for what feels like a curse.

I'm off to spend time with a dear friend on her birthday. She's a relatively new friend, but her love and understanding has helped me survive some dark days. Her capacity for compassion is incredible; I want to be like her when I grow up.

John is off doing some important things, but I can't wait to see him tonight. His love for me is also quite amazing to me. Having someone love me that much has definitely helped me make it through the tough times. I will feel better soon, I know it. But I'm glad I have him to love me through it until I do.