I had a dream last night that I was on The Apprenctice, only it wasn't Donald Trump on the show, it was ASU President . We were all competing as we worked on the 'task' in order to win favor with him.
All I know is, I was terrified of him! He notices every detail, every little flaw. He expects nothing less than perfection. (I should know; in a round about way, I work for him.) I just find it funny that subconsciously I put our president in the position of Donald Trump. (I can see him saying to me, "You're fired!") I think that image would only be funny to someone who currently goes to ASU.
I'm sure he won't read my blog and find out what his employee is saying about him. Why would he? Though he seems to have time for EVERYTHING under the sun including googling himself on the internet, he surely wouldn't care what people think of him. Andf he does care, he has to know already that people are intimidated by him.
(If you're reading this, please don't fire me.)
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
new career path
A while back my career goal was to become a librarian. In fact, I even went to the trouble to get a master's degree in library science. But that was before a year's worth of rejection from all the library jobs I applied to. (With the exception of one offer, which I rejected. So I guess it wasn't unilateral rejection.)
But anyway, lately I've been rethinking my career choice. The appeal of being a librarian grows dimmer and dimmer as I see cities slash library budgets right and left. The "shushing" librarian stereotype is alive and well. And libraries, instead of being at the forefront of knowledge and the heart of the community (as I believe they should be), are being rendered obsolete by Borders bookstore and the world wide web.
I can see the writing on the wall. Do I think libraries will ever dissapear permanently? No. But I do think they need a major overhaul to make them more relevant in this day and age. Some libraries are doing a pretty good job of that, but so many of them are as traditional as ever.
Where does this leave me? So far, without a job that I can wake up every day and be excited about. The last few days I've done some serious soul searching. What do I really want to do with my life?
You know what I came up with? Please do not laugh, because I'm serious. Personal trainer. I had actually thought about this career in the past, but it was more of a fleeting thought that didn't last long because I didn't think I could do it, especially because I really didn't have any experience in it. But in the last few weeks as I've been doing SparkPeople, I've learned a few things. 1. With motivation and desire, I can accomplish a whole lot. 2. I love exercise. 3. I love getting other people excited about exercise and eating right.
Maybe that's not much of a reason to embark on a brand new career path. I'm not sure yet. But I'm serious enough about it that I enrolled in two ASU courses this summer -- a nutrition course and an exercise science course. I just want to get a feel for what I might be getting into if my life veered off in this new direction. Oh, plus I'm taking a bellydancing class and a yoga/pilates class. Fun? Absolutely.
The best thing of all is that John supports me in this 100%. He always does. He doesn't laugh at my random career plans or complain about the fact that I might have to get yet another degree. (Maybe that's because I support him 100% in his desire to get yet another degree. But his will be a PhD while mine would most likely be a BS or at the most an MS degree.)
But right now this is all a what if. I don't know for sure WHAT I'm going to be doing in the next while. But I do know that I can't continue working at my current job without at least a goal and a plan for getting there. I feel that even if becoming a personal trainer isn't in the stars for me, at least I'm exploring and trying new things, and I know I'll stumble across the right career for me. Maybe I already have. It's worth exploring.
--H
But anyway, lately I've been rethinking my career choice. The appeal of being a librarian grows dimmer and dimmer as I see cities slash library budgets right and left. The "shushing" librarian stereotype is alive and well. And libraries, instead of being at the forefront of knowledge and the heart of the community (as I believe they should be), are being rendered obsolete by Borders bookstore and the world wide web.
I can see the writing on the wall. Do I think libraries will ever dissapear permanently? No. But I do think they need a major overhaul to make them more relevant in this day and age. Some libraries are doing a pretty good job of that, but so many of them are as traditional as ever.
Where does this leave me? So far, without a job that I can wake up every day and be excited about. The last few days I've done some serious soul searching. What do I really want to do with my life?
You know what I came up with? Please do not laugh, because I'm serious. Personal trainer. I had actually thought about this career in the past, but it was more of a fleeting thought that didn't last long because I didn't think I could do it, especially because I really didn't have any experience in it. But in the last few weeks as I've been doing SparkPeople, I've learned a few things. 1. With motivation and desire, I can accomplish a whole lot. 2. I love exercise. 3. I love getting other people excited about exercise and eating right.
Maybe that's not much of a reason to embark on a brand new career path. I'm not sure yet. But I'm serious enough about it that I enrolled in two ASU courses this summer -- a nutrition course and an exercise science course. I just want to get a feel for what I might be getting into if my life veered off in this new direction. Oh, plus I'm taking a bellydancing class and a yoga/pilates class. Fun? Absolutely.
The best thing of all is that John supports me in this 100%. He always does. He doesn't laugh at my random career plans or complain about the fact that I might have to get yet another degree. (Maybe that's because I support him 100% in his desire to get yet another degree. But his will be a PhD while mine would most likely be a BS or at the most an MS degree.)
But right now this is all a what if. I don't know for sure WHAT I'm going to be doing in the next while. But I do know that I can't continue working at my current job without at least a goal and a plan for getting there. I feel that even if becoming a personal trainer isn't in the stars for me, at least I'm exploring and trying new things, and I know I'll stumble across the right career for me. Maybe I already have. It's worth exploring.
--H
Monday, April 24, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
deathly sick but getting better
I went to the Dr. on monday and found out what is wrong with me -- I have pneumonia. Yikes. And, I gave it to my husband. :( So while I'm finally on the upswing and getting better, my husband is coughing and wheezing at home.
The worst of it was when we were in Nevada this weekend with my family. John started showing symptoms on Friday, and we slept most of the weekend instead of doing much with the family. :( Then on Sunday, when we were supposed to drive back to AZ, neither of us could do it. So I called in sick on Monday and we drove back then. We still felt crappy, but somehow John managed to get us back home.
Now I'm feeling a little better. I went on a 15 minute walk today and felt pretty okay afterward. By next week I should be back to my normal self.
Oh, and for anyone wondering, I didn't get the library job. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about that, so that's pretty much all I'm going to say about it at this point.
The worst of it was when we were in Nevada this weekend with my family. John started showing symptoms on Friday, and we slept most of the weekend instead of doing much with the family. :( Then on Sunday, when we were supposed to drive back to AZ, neither of us could do it. So I called in sick on Monday and we drove back then. We still felt crappy, but somehow John managed to get us back home.
Now I'm feeling a little better. I went on a 15 minute walk today and felt pretty okay afterward. By next week I should be back to my normal self.
Oh, and for anyone wondering, I didn't get the library job. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about that, so that's pretty much all I'm going to say about it at this point.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
i'm sort of alive
I'm alive, but only barely. I got sick again. Yes, again.
Coughing, high fever, achy, sleepy. This time I went to my doctor and asked for blood tests to be done to figure out what's going on. I mean, first I get bronchitis, then the fake strep throat thing, then the rash, and now this.
I usually have a healthy immune system, getting sick maybe once a year. But this is three times in little over a month. Something is definitely going on here.
To top it all off, I still don't have a handle on my depression. Maybe the sickness is making it worse, or maybe the depression is lowering the defeneses of my immune system. Either way, I'm tired of being sick, and I'm tired of being sad.
In other news, we already got part of our tax return back -- and the tax deadline hasn't even happened yet! What?!!! What's going on here? Usually I'm in the line of cars trying to drop off my tax envelope at the Post Office before midnight hits on tax day. But, thanks to my husband, he did it all for us over a week ago. Yay!
This weekend we're off to Nevada to see my sister go through the temple for the first time and then have her bridal shower. Two weeks later we'll be going back for her wedding. Then all of us will be married but the youngest, who turns 17 today!
Okay, time to go sleep off some of this sickness.
Happy Easter everyone.
Coughing, high fever, achy, sleepy. This time I went to my doctor and asked for blood tests to be done to figure out what's going on. I mean, first I get bronchitis, then the fake strep throat thing, then the rash, and now this.
I usually have a healthy immune system, getting sick maybe once a year. But this is three times in little over a month. Something is definitely going on here.
To top it all off, I still don't have a handle on my depression. Maybe the sickness is making it worse, or maybe the depression is lowering the defeneses of my immune system. Either way, I'm tired of being sick, and I'm tired of being sad.
In other news, we already got part of our tax return back -- and the tax deadline hasn't even happened yet! What?!!! What's going on here? Usually I'm in the line of cars trying to drop off my tax envelope at the Post Office before midnight hits on tax day. But, thanks to my husband, he did it all for us over a week ago. Yay!
This weekend we're off to Nevada to see my sister go through the temple for the first time and then have her bridal shower. Two weeks later we'll be going back for her wedding. Then all of us will be married but the youngest, who turns 17 today!
Okay, time to go sleep off some of this sickness.
Happy Easter everyone.
Monday, April 10, 2006
striped lobster
I’ll bet you are dying to know how the tanning salon went, aren’t you?
Well, imagine the whitest, ghostly person you can think of, and that’s me. I entered the tanning salon and found myself amongst bronze beauties. Boy did I feel out of place! The tan girl in front of me was assigned to a tanning bed for 12 minutes. The very tan attendant (whose ample bosoms, not adequately covered, were also very bronze) took one look at me and set the timer for 5 minutes.
It was weird. I felt entombed with a death ray that was slowly adding years to my skin. But that’s just me being overdramatic. I’ve always been opposed to tanning, especially tanning beds. My reasons are pretty shallow – I don’t ever want my skin to look leathery and old. It was news to me that tanning is used for medical purposes!
Anyway, after two sessions at 5 minutes, they felt I had moved up in the world and could handle 6 minutes. No problem, right? Ha! Let’s just say that certain parts of my body that never see the light of day are now bright red. I’m a lobster; actually, a striped lobster! The tanning light bulbs gave me a nice stripe on my…rear.
Well, imagine the whitest, ghostly person you can think of, and that’s me. I entered the tanning salon and found myself amongst bronze beauties. Boy did I feel out of place! The tan girl in front of me was assigned to a tanning bed for 12 minutes. The very tan attendant (whose ample bosoms, not adequately covered, were also very bronze) took one look at me and set the timer for 5 minutes.
It was weird. I felt entombed with a death ray that was slowly adding years to my skin. But that’s just me being overdramatic. I’ve always been opposed to tanning, especially tanning beds. My reasons are pretty shallow – I don’t ever want my skin to look leathery and old. It was news to me that tanning is used for medical purposes!
Anyway, after two sessions at 5 minutes, they felt I had moved up in the world and could handle 6 minutes. No problem, right? Ha! Let’s just say that certain parts of my body that never see the light of day are now bright red. I’m a lobster; actually, a striped lobster! The tanning light bulbs gave me a nice stripe on my…rear.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
i'm off to the tanning bed!
I went to the doctor today because I had these weird red splotches all over my stomach. She says they were caused by the antibiotics I was taking for my strep throat. But guess what the remedy is? Sunlight. I have to expose the rash to sunlight. What the heck? Have you ever heard of that?
But she showed me the picture in a book, and the guy in the picture had a stomach that looked an awfully lot like mine. And I read in the book that the cure is sunlight. So now…I’m going to go to a tanning salon for the first time in my life. (I don’t really want to expose my stomach to the light of day…yet.)
Guess what, though? While at the doctor’s office I weighed in, and I’ve lost two more pounds! I've been eating healthy as well as exercising five times a week, and it's paying off. My praise of SparkPeople grows and grows. I’m so very proud of myself and I feel so much better. Yay for me.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
what if i found my dream job?
Advil has become my new best friend. When I was sick (about 5 days) I took an Advil every 5 hours or so to keep my temperature down. Now that’s past, but a sinus headache has taken its place. So every time I lie down, a pain hits me in the eye. It’s like somebody is stabbing me in the eye with a pencil. So it’s either not lie down and get no sleep, or take an Advil at night. Then I wake up in the middle of the night after the medicine wears off with more stabbing pains…so I hit the Advil yet again. One of these days I won’t be taking a million pills a day, I hope. I’d tell you how many I’m taking right now, but you wouldn’t believe me—or you’d think I was dying of something. Surely.
Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS: I interviewed this morning for my perfect job. It couldn’t be more made for me, and I hope I conveyed that in the interview. The job would be as a children/youth librarian at the local public library. Totally me! I would work at the children’s reference desk, plan and carry out story time and other activities, create brochures & other promotional stuff. And not only that, the position would include creating and maintaining web pages. I would be in heaven doing this. The salary is pretty good, too.
I didn’t want to talk about it or post about it beforehand, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I still don’t. But I did my best at the interview, and that’s really all I can do. I came out of the interview feeling pretty good. The scary part of the interview? The first thing they made me do was pick a book and a finger puppet and do an impromptu story time in front of the three interviewers. Yikes! But I did okay…probably not the best story time they’ve ever seen, because I’ve never actually done one before, but okay.
Even if I don’t get this job I feel more hopeful now. I can and will find the right job for me. If I had my way it would have happened a long time ago, but I’ll accept what comes my way and be thankful when it does happen.
Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS: I interviewed this morning for my perfect job. It couldn’t be more made for me, and I hope I conveyed that in the interview. The job would be as a children/youth librarian at the local public library. Totally me! I would work at the children’s reference desk, plan and carry out story time and other activities, create brochures & other promotional stuff. And not only that, the position would include creating and maintaining web pages. I would be in heaven doing this. The salary is pretty good, too.
I didn’t want to talk about it or post about it beforehand, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I still don’t. But I did my best at the interview, and that’s really all I can do. I came out of the interview feeling pretty good. The scary part of the interview? The first thing they made me do was pick a book and a finger puppet and do an impromptu story time in front of the three interviewers. Yikes! But I did okay…probably not the best story time they’ve ever seen, because I’ve never actually done one before, but okay.
Even if I don’t get this job I feel more hopeful now. I can and will find the right job for me. If I had my way it would have happened a long time ago, but I’ll accept what comes my way and be thankful when it does happen.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
out sick yet again
My blog has been seriously neglected lately, but for good reason. I got sick again. Maybe it was strep throat, but maybe not. Whatever it was, it kicked my butt. I’m still trying to fight off a horrible cough, but at least I can go to work and exercise again.
That’s right, I said exercise! I have been doing at least 10 minutes or more of exercise every weekday (until I got sick). Now I’m back at it. This week I’m moving up to 20-30 minutes of exercise. I’m still going strong on SparkPeople. I got a few of my family members to do it with me, and we’ve created quite a team. We race each other for points, but mostly we encourage each other to make small healthy changes in our lifestyle. It’s great.
And you know what? I’ve lost two pounds so far. My clothing already looks less bad on me. I feel very empowered to accomplish this goal and many others.
At the same time, some of my goals are pretty tough to accomplish. So much so that I get discouraged sometimes. And sometimes I wish I weren’t so goal oriented; that I could live and enjoy and just be. But everything turns into a goal for me, and I get tired of my life being one long checklist. Sigh. I guess I’m a little down today. It happens. Thanks for listening.
That’s right, I said exercise! I have been doing at least 10 minutes or more of exercise every weekday (until I got sick). Now I’m back at it. This week I’m moving up to 20-30 minutes of exercise. I’m still going strong on SparkPeople. I got a few of my family members to do it with me, and we’ve created quite a team. We race each other for points, but mostly we encourage each other to make small healthy changes in our lifestyle. It’s great.
And you know what? I’ve lost two pounds so far. My clothing already looks less bad on me. I feel very empowered to accomplish this goal and many others.
At the same time, some of my goals are pretty tough to accomplish. So much so that I get discouraged sometimes. And sometimes I wish I weren’t so goal oriented; that I could live and enjoy and just be. But everything turns into a goal for me, and I get tired of my life being one long checklist. Sigh. I guess I’m a little down today. It happens. Thanks for listening.
Friday, March 17, 2006
found a spark
I came to a dramatic conclusion the other day. I'm tired of looking bad in my clothing, and I decided to do something about it. I've thought that a million times before, but this time I was serious.
So I joined SparkPeople. Ever heard of it? It's really the most awesome tool to come along for weight loss, exercise, healthy lifestyle, and goal setting. I love it. If you are thinking about losing weight, finding and sticking to lifestyle changes, or wanting to set up exercise into your schedule, join SparkPeople.
First off, it's free, and it offers awesome tools and helps for achieving your goals. I've only been a member for three days, but already I can tell a huge difference in my attitude and motivation. The guy who created this site truly wants to help people. His story is inspiring. I probably sound like an infomercial, but I can't help it. I'm inspired and I want to pass on the love!
Anyway, I am planning to lose 15 pounds in the next four months. It's not a lot of weight, but it's enough that I had to get serious in order to get into a healthy mindset. I'm making life changes and I am dang proud of myself for doing it.
I'll probably update on my progress from time to time.
Okay, I'm off to get ready to go to Tucson to celebrate my anniversary! Happy St. Patrick's day, and have a great weekend...
So I joined SparkPeople. Ever heard of it? It's really the most awesome tool to come along for weight loss, exercise, healthy lifestyle, and goal setting. I love it. If you are thinking about losing weight, finding and sticking to lifestyle changes, or wanting to set up exercise into your schedule, join SparkPeople.
First off, it's free, and it offers awesome tools and helps for achieving your goals. I've only been a member for three days, but already I can tell a huge difference in my attitude and motivation. The guy who created this site truly wants to help people. His story is inspiring. I probably sound like an infomercial, but I can't help it. I'm inspired and I want to pass on the love!
Anyway, I am planning to lose 15 pounds in the next four months. It's not a lot of weight, but it's enough that I had to get serious in order to get into a healthy mindset. I'm making life changes and I am dang proud of myself for doing it.
I'll probably update on my progress from time to time.
Okay, I'm off to get ready to go to Tucson to celebrate my anniversary! Happy St. Patrick's day, and have a great weekend...
Monday, March 13, 2006
love lives here
Today marks the first day of our second year of marriage.
Our first anniversary was yesterday, and it was nice. It was Sunday, so we woke up late, went to church, and then ate a low-key meal and watched Back to the Beach together. Not exciting, I suppose. But it was nice to spend time together, knowing that we’ve been married a year, and that more great years are coming.
We didn’t have our frozen wedding cake to eat (it’s in my parents’ freezer, alas), so we took two Reese’s peanut butter cups, said cheers, and ate them up.
We’re also planning to go spend a night at a hotel on the 17th, which will be the day when we celebrate a little more; possibly going out of town, definitely lounging in a hotel and visiting museums and such.
But even if we don’t do that, yesterday was enough. I am blessed. I found my true love and I’ve had him for a year. Year two begins today.
Our first anniversary was yesterday, and it was nice. It was Sunday, so we woke up late, went to church, and then ate a low-key meal and watched Back to the Beach together. Not exciting, I suppose. But it was nice to spend time together, knowing that we’ve been married a year, and that more great years are coming.
We didn’t have our frozen wedding cake to eat (it’s in my parents’ freezer, alas), so we took two Reese’s peanut butter cups, said cheers, and ate them up.
We’re also planning to go spend a night at a hotel on the 17th, which will be the day when we celebrate a little more; possibly going out of town, definitely lounging in a hotel and visiting museums and such.
But even if we don’t do that, yesterday was enough. I am blessed. I found my true love and I’ve had him for a year. Year two begins today.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
tagged
Wow, S’mee tagged me for this fun little questionaire. Thanks!!!
Four Jobs I Have Had in My Life:
1) Recreation counselor – One of the funnest jobs I’ve ever had. I just played games and made crafts with kids. I became the Battleship and Connect Four champion.
2) Hostess at the coffee shop at the Virgin River Casino in Mesquite, NV – Oh my, how I hated that job and the black pants and pink shirt. And the evil waitresses. Let’s not forget the time I spilled an entire pitcher of water on my mother!
3) Server at Denny’s – Boy, was I moving up in the world! From hostess to server. Let’s just say that my boss was Ghengis Khan and never bought new food supplies until they were all gone and customers were complaining. What?!!!
4) Janitor/Custodian at the BYU – I had to get up at 4 in the morning for this job. I slept through many a class and got my worst grade ever during this time period.
Four Movies I Watch Over and Over:
1) What about Bob? – This movie is a classic, but it doesn’t explain why my husband and I can watch it so many times.
2) Napoleon Dynamite – But my lips hurt real bad!
3) Parent Trap I-IV – My husband doesn’t share the love, but my sisters do!
4) Gidget – I love this movie.
Four Places I've Lived:
1) Overton, Nevada – For the first 18 years of my life.
2) Provo, Utah – The college years.
3) Sofia and Burgas, Bulgaria – LDS Mission.
4) Bejing, China – Taught English there for a short time after getting my degree and not having any direction whatsoever.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
I don’t love TV much, but…
1) Everwood – Before it got trashy, like everything does. Yeah, it’s on the WB, but it used to be good.
2) 24 – I’ve only watched this one once, if you can believe it. But I liked it.
3) The Biggest Loser – Saw this one a couple of times. Pretty good.
4) The Great Race – Watched it once. I’d watch it again.
Four Websites you visit daily:
Geez, I don’t have any interesting ones…hotmail, yahoo, people’s blogs…
1) asu.edu – Yeah, I have to.
2) Maybe I’m a nerd, but I go here a lot. I love the public libraries.
3) I don’t visit it daily, but it’s fun: readymademag.com
4) Used to visit but don’t anymore: ericdsnider.com
Four of My Favorite Foods:
1) Bread – There is no food I love more than good bread. I could eat it all day, every day.
2) Hummus – Though it seems to be the most gas causing substance known to humankind (TMI?), I love it.
3) Feta cheese – On salads, pizza, and bread; in my favorite Bulgarian food banitsa; feta cheese is worth its weight in gold.
4) Prosciutto and melon – Hey, it sounds weird, but my husband introduced me to it, and it’s good. Actually, I like any Italian food he makes.
Four Places I'd rather be right now:
1) Home in bed with my sweet husband. :)
2) In NV with the whole family.
3) In Europe with the husband, visiting Italy, Albania, and Bulgaria.
4) On a cruise (to anywhere but Alaska) with the husband.
Four folks to pass this on to:
1) Johnny, the husband.
2) TK, the friend.
3) penguinconqueso, another friend.
4) Eden, friend from way back.
Monday, March 06, 2006
i want to feel like myself again
Okay, TK and kimbo! You are right—a week is too long to go without writing. Thanks for caring. :) The truth is, I was a zombie all last week. And that’s not much of an exaggeration.
I’m on new medications, and they are making me so tired that I can hardly function. One of the medications is for allergies, and sleepiness is one of the symptoms. So I finally stopped taking that. But guess what? The allergy symptoms came back full force, and surprisingly are EVEN WORSE than being tired all the time. So I went back on the medicine and made an appointment to see my doctor.
I just want to feel normal again. If that’s even possible. My husband says he doesn’t think I’ve been myself for at least nine months, and I don’t know that I can disagree…
I’m on new medications, and they are making me so tired that I can hardly function. One of the medications is for allergies, and sleepiness is one of the symptoms. So I finally stopped taking that. But guess what? The allergy symptoms came back full force, and surprisingly are EVEN WORSE than being tired all the time. So I went back on the medicine and made an appointment to see my doctor.
I just want to feel normal again. If that’s even possible. My husband says he doesn’t think I’ve been myself for at least nine months, and I don’t know that I can disagree…
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
A week goes by and it seems like my life changes completely. Here’s a random sampling of what’s been going on:
**It’s my husband’s 25th birthday!!! Go here to wish him a happy birthday.
**Remember the library job? Well, I got offered the position. The salary offered was pretty much what I’m making now (except without my new raise), and he wouldn’t budge on that. Still, I was all set to take the position but found out other things that made the offer much less acceptable.
1. I wouldn’t get benefits for three months. We are not currently in a position to be able to go without benefits. Remember the emergency room? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pay for that out of pocket.
2. I would be paying $150 more per month on insurance premiums. So my salary dropped even further.
3. I would only get 10 vacation days per year (I get 22 where I’m at now), and they wouldn’t start accruing for three months. Also, I would get no sick days—instead, I’d have to use vacation days if I got sick. (At ASU I get 12 sick days per year).
4. The guy who made the offer was just sketchy on too many things. I realized I would have no idea what I was getting into, and by the time I found out, it would be too late to do anything about it.
For these reasons and others, I declined the offer. I was a little sad, because I truly want to work in a library, but I don’t regret my decision. So I guess that means I made the right choice. It’s back to the job search for me.
**Some hard things are going on with my family right now. I guess you could say my dad got ‘fired’ from the best part of his job. He still has his job, but without the cool part. And the person who did the ‘firing’ is my mom’s direct boss. It hurts a lot to hear that my dad was sobbing after he got the news. The hardest thing is that there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s hard for me to see the people I love in pain. I’ve been praying a lot for them.
**I went to the doctor, and it seems like she really knows what she’s doing. They drew blood to check out my thyroid. We’ll see how things go with that.
**Something unbelievable—my coworker/supervisor apologized for her behavior on Friday. I wasn’t expecting that at all, but it was great of her to do it. Things are much less tense around here. Crazy.
**It’s my husband’s 25th birthday!!! Go here to wish him a happy birthday.
**Remember the library job? Well, I got offered the position. The salary offered was pretty much what I’m making now (except without my new raise), and he wouldn’t budge on that. Still, I was all set to take the position but found out other things that made the offer much less acceptable.
1. I wouldn’t get benefits for three months. We are not currently in a position to be able to go without benefits. Remember the emergency room? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pay for that out of pocket.
2. I would be paying $150 more per month on insurance premiums. So my salary dropped even further.
3. I would only get 10 vacation days per year (I get 22 where I’m at now), and they wouldn’t start accruing for three months. Also, I would get no sick days—instead, I’d have to use vacation days if I got sick. (At ASU I get 12 sick days per year).
4. The guy who made the offer was just sketchy on too many things. I realized I would have no idea what I was getting into, and by the time I found out, it would be too late to do anything about it.
For these reasons and others, I declined the offer. I was a little sad, because I truly want to work in a library, but I don’t regret my decision. So I guess that means I made the right choice. It’s back to the job search for me.
**Some hard things are going on with my family right now. I guess you could say my dad got ‘fired’ from the best part of his job. He still has his job, but without the cool part. And the person who did the ‘firing’ is my mom’s direct boss. It hurts a lot to hear that my dad was sobbing after he got the news. The hardest thing is that there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s hard for me to see the people I love in pain. I’ve been praying a lot for them.
**I went to the doctor, and it seems like she really knows what she’s doing. They drew blood to check out my thyroid. We’ll see how things go with that.
**Something unbelievable—my coworker/supervisor apologized for her behavior on Friday. I wasn’t expecting that at all, but it was great of her to do it. Things are much less tense around here. Crazy.
Friday, February 17, 2006
stuff
1. I feel very bad about the following:
My coworker/supervisor (When I was hired, she was my direct supervisor. Now we're pretty much coworkers even though she still treats me as though she's my supervisor. When I get my raise and title change, I will consider her a coworker and act that way.) said something to me and a coworker that made us feel like we're being babysat.
Later, I was about to make the comment to her, "I wonder if I should tell coworker/supervisor that her comments make me feel like a peon." I didn't get the words out of my mouth because coworker/supervisor walked into the room. I snapped my mouth shut and felt like a jerk.
Especially when coworker/supervisor said, "Why do you guys always get quiet when I walk into a room?" (I don't know what she's referring to when she says 'always'.) "I'm not dumb. I know you do it." I had no comment. I just felt so stupid and ashamed, because though I don't always do it, in this instance she was dead on. I was talking about her. And I shouldn't have been.
My relationship with this woman was already strained. Now she thinks I'm sitting around talking about her all the time. Sigh. When the title change comes, I will just interact with her much less. Or when I get a new job. Whichever comes first.
2. I finally called a doctor today. Last night I was coughing and scratching my face so hard that I woke up out of a dead sleep. I thought I was having an allergic reaction of some kind. Maybe I was, and it was the last straw. I'm tired of sneezing all day long. I'm tired of itchy eyes, throat, nose, mouth, lips. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of depression. Sick and d*** tired of all these things. So I made the call. Of course, I probably won't get in to see a doctor for a few weeks, but at least I made the first move.
I still need to call my counselor and get an appointment, but I guess I'll focus on one thing at a time.
3. I like to make lists.
4. It is currently 3pm. I get to go home in two hours! tick tick tick tick....
My coworker/supervisor (When I was hired, she was my direct supervisor. Now we're pretty much coworkers even though she still treats me as though she's my supervisor. When I get my raise and title change, I will consider her a coworker and act that way.) said something to me and a coworker that made us feel like we're being babysat.
Later, I was about to make the comment to her, "I wonder if I should tell coworker/supervisor that her comments make me feel like a peon." I didn't get the words out of my mouth because coworker/supervisor walked into the room. I snapped my mouth shut and felt like a jerk.
Especially when coworker/supervisor said, "Why do you guys always get quiet when I walk into a room?" (I don't know what she's referring to when she says 'always'.) "I'm not dumb. I know you do it." I had no comment. I just felt so stupid and ashamed, because though I don't always do it, in this instance she was dead on. I was talking about her. And I shouldn't have been.
My relationship with this woman was already strained. Now she thinks I'm sitting around talking about her all the time. Sigh. When the title change comes, I will just interact with her much less. Or when I get a new job. Whichever comes first.
2. I finally called a doctor today. Last night I was coughing and scratching my face so hard that I woke up out of a dead sleep. I thought I was having an allergic reaction of some kind. Maybe I was, and it was the last straw. I'm tired of sneezing all day long. I'm tired of itchy eyes, throat, nose, mouth, lips. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of depression. Sick and d*** tired of all these things. So I made the call. Of course, I probably won't get in to see a doctor for a few weeks, but at least I made the first move.
I still need to call my counselor and get an appointment, but I guess I'll focus on one thing at a time.
3. I like to make lists.
4. It is currently 3pm. I get to go home in two hours! tick tick tick tick....
Friday, February 10, 2006
blue is blue and so am i
I am at work about to have a breakdown. I can’t say it’s just one thing causing this. It’s more of a combination; a stress cocktail, if you will. I’m just to the point where I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t take one more night of doing nothing more than watching TV or movies when I get home from work. But the problem is that I have no energy or desire to do anything else. I do feel guilty about doing nothing else, though. Oh yes! A better person would keep in touch with their friends, keep their house clean, spend quality time with their spouse, do volunteer work somewhere – so say my thoughts. I don’t measure up to these standards at all. I don’t even try to.
Yes, depression is seriously hindering my ability to accomplish anything or feel good about anything. I feel like I’m wearing cement shoes. Any simple task feels like I’m being asked to climb a mountain. I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of feeling tired. I’m tired of feeling that my life is worthless.
I need help but I don’t know where to start. My counselor is good, but I’ve tapered off my visits. My doctor dispenses prescriptions like they’re candy, so I don’t want to get a prescription from her – she’d give one to a drug addict. I want real help and advice, not just her signature on a piece of paper. Not that I’m opposed to medication; I just want to make sure it’s is warranted before I go that route. Which means getting a new doctor, which means waiting weeks to get in to see her, which means that in the meantime, I suffer.
I guess I just needed to write this out so I don’t have an actual breakdown at work. I hope I can find a solution here so that I don’t feel this way anymore. Thanks for “listening.” Writing it out really does help.
"And if you carry me tonight
I would be strong enough to fight
And when you're weak and can't go on
I'd be the bed you lay upon"
I can’t take one more night of doing nothing more than watching TV or movies when I get home from work. But the problem is that I have no energy or desire to do anything else. I do feel guilty about doing nothing else, though. Oh yes! A better person would keep in touch with their friends, keep their house clean, spend quality time with their spouse, do volunteer work somewhere – so say my thoughts. I don’t measure up to these standards at all. I don’t even try to.
Yes, depression is seriously hindering my ability to accomplish anything or feel good about anything. I feel like I’m wearing cement shoes. Any simple task feels like I’m being asked to climb a mountain. I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of feeling tired. I’m tired of feeling that my life is worthless.
I need help but I don’t know where to start. My counselor is good, but I’ve tapered off my visits. My doctor dispenses prescriptions like they’re candy, so I don’t want to get a prescription from her – she’d give one to a drug addict. I want real help and advice, not just her signature on a piece of paper. Not that I’m opposed to medication; I just want to make sure it’s is warranted before I go that route. Which means getting a new doctor, which means waiting weeks to get in to see her, which means that in the meantime, I suffer.
I guess I just needed to write this out so I don’t have an actual breakdown at work. I hope I can find a solution here so that I don’t feel this way anymore. Thanks for “listening.” Writing it out really does help.
"And if you carry me tonight
I would be strong enough to fight
And when you're weak and can't go on
I'd be the bed you lay upon"
Monday, February 06, 2006
i'm so lucky
Okay. I have to mention the amazing gift my husband gave me for my birthday. He has gone above and beyond what I ever expected for my birthday. I was simply amazed when I opened it.
A while before he gave the gift to me, he told me I was really going to like it. Then I found out he was keeping it at his mom's house, which made it seem like a large item. A piece of furntiure? I wondered, but couldn't figure it out.
Finally, on the day we got back from San Antonio, he gave me this:
Yes, my husband gave me a mandolin for my birthday!!! I could not have been more surprised or excited about a gift. John knows me so well! The interesting thing is, I had only mentioned in passing that someday I'd like to learn to play the mandolin. But that was enough for him to search around online for hours, finding a mandolin for me so that I could fulfill my dream!
I am still amazed that I have such a perceptive, sweet husband. He took the time to figure out what I like, spent a lot of time finding what I liked, and then purchased it for me. I ended up with a truly unique birthday present--a gift specifically for me. And that means so much to me.
I guess this is an entry where I get to be sappy and say that I found the perfect person for me. I have been blessed in so many ways since getting married...I can hardly count them. In six days we'll have been married eleven months, and while it's hard to believe so much time has passed, the saying is true that time flies when you're having fun. And we certainly are.
I know I'm not a perfect wife--I know it too well. But I have a husband who loves me anyway and lets me become something better. And I don't take this for granted. I definitely know I've got a good thing.
A while before he gave the gift to me, he told me I was really going to like it. Then I found out he was keeping it at his mom's house, which made it seem like a large item. A piece of furntiure? I wondered, but couldn't figure it out.
Finally, on the day we got back from San Antonio, he gave me this:
Yes, my husband gave me a mandolin for my birthday!!! I could not have been more surprised or excited about a gift. John knows me so well! The interesting thing is, I had only mentioned in passing that someday I'd like to learn to play the mandolin. But that was enough for him to search around online for hours, finding a mandolin for me so that I could fulfill my dream!
I am still amazed that I have such a perceptive, sweet husband. He took the time to figure out what I like, spent a lot of time finding what I liked, and then purchased it for me. I ended up with a truly unique birthday present--a gift specifically for me. And that means so much to me.
I guess this is an entry where I get to be sappy and say that I found the perfect person for me. I have been blessed in so many ways since getting married...I can hardly count them. In six days we'll have been married eleven months, and while it's hard to believe so much time has passed, the saying is true that time flies when you're having fun. And we certainly are.
I know I'm not a perfect wife--I know it too well. But I have a husband who loves me anyway and lets me become something better. And I don't take this for granted. I definitely know I've got a good thing.
Friday, February 03, 2006
working for a living
So much stuff to blog about! It’s all starting to pile up. This week has been interesting; a lot has changed.
First, the job search. Right before my birthday I decided to take some action. A coworker had given me an ad for a library job at a small trade college. So I applied. An hour later, the guy called to ask if he could interview me. I was stunned—this had never happened to me before.
In fact, I was a little suspicious at first. When I asked what kind of library position it was and what I’d be doing (the ad didn’t say), the man said, “Oh, you know. The same stuff you do in any library.” Hmmm.
But I agreed to an interview, which I had on Monday. It soon became apparent why the man had no idea what I’d be doing in the library: he is the director of the school and probably doesn’t set foot in the library. Also, the college usually has two librarians on staff, but they have none currently. So the interview was odd, to say the least.
He asked maybe three questions about my qualifications as a librarian (One of them was actually, “You know the Dewey decimal system, right?" The Dewey decimal system is really the least of a librarian’s worries.), gave me a tour of the college, then said, “So, is this a place you want to work for?”
Actually, it is. The library is small. Small enough to have personal contact with each and every patron (the college has 400 students). Small enough that I would be involved in every aspect of librarianship: collections development, circulation, reference, budget, etc. I don’t know for sure whether I would enjoy working at this particular college, but it would definitely be a great thing to put on my resume.
Oh, and to make the position full-time (the library is only part-time), they would have me teach English 101 classes. This prospect is both exciting and scary. A few years ago I was in a teacher certification program to teach English, but I realized I don’t have what it takes to teach English to high schoolers. Do I have what it takes to teach it to college students? I don’t know. But at the same time, the challenge sounds interesting…
THEN, on Wednesday, my boss came to me and said, “I know you’re considering another job, but before you take it, talk to me first, because I’m working on a title change and a raise for you.” Wow. Later in the day she told me that it would be about a 10% raise. That combined with the raise that everyone gets in March (6%, I think) would be a pretty good salary change.
So I haven’t heard back from the library job yet. If I don’t get it, I’m at least getting a good raise at my current job. If I do get offered the other position, then I’ll have to do some thinking. Mostly because the interviewer never once told me what the salary would be. He said that he would discuss salary next time we talk, which is pretty annoying. Will the salary there be enough? The husband and I are trying to recover from a financially difficult year, and I don’t know if we’re at a point where I can take a pay cut.
But anyway, it’s nice to know that I’m valued at my current place of employment, even if it isn’t my ideal job. It’s also nice to know that there are people out there who would jump at the chance to interview me for a library job.
If nothing else, this week has boosted my confidence. My work is valued. I’ll be able to find the right job for me, I know it. And, the craziest thing of all is this: My annual salary after the raise will be more than double what it was when I started here five years ago. Ha!
First, the job search. Right before my birthday I decided to take some action. A coworker had given me an ad for a library job at a small trade college. So I applied. An hour later, the guy called to ask if he could interview me. I was stunned—this had never happened to me before.
In fact, I was a little suspicious at first. When I asked what kind of library position it was and what I’d be doing (the ad didn’t say), the man said, “Oh, you know. The same stuff you do in any library.” Hmmm.
But I agreed to an interview, which I had on Monday. It soon became apparent why the man had no idea what I’d be doing in the library: he is the director of the school and probably doesn’t set foot in the library. Also, the college usually has two librarians on staff, but they have none currently. So the interview was odd, to say the least.
He asked maybe three questions about my qualifications as a librarian (One of them was actually, “You know the Dewey decimal system, right?" The Dewey decimal system is really the least of a librarian’s worries.), gave me a tour of the college, then said, “So, is this a place you want to work for?”
Actually, it is. The library is small. Small enough to have personal contact with each and every patron (the college has 400 students). Small enough that I would be involved in every aspect of librarianship: collections development, circulation, reference, budget, etc. I don’t know for sure whether I would enjoy working at this particular college, but it would definitely be a great thing to put on my resume.
Oh, and to make the position full-time (the library is only part-time), they would have me teach English 101 classes. This prospect is both exciting and scary. A few years ago I was in a teacher certification program to teach English, but I realized I don’t have what it takes to teach English to high schoolers. Do I have what it takes to teach it to college students? I don’t know. But at the same time, the challenge sounds interesting…
THEN, on Wednesday, my boss came to me and said, “I know you’re considering another job, but before you take it, talk to me first, because I’m working on a title change and a raise for you.” Wow. Later in the day she told me that it would be about a 10% raise. That combined with the raise that everyone gets in March (6%, I think) would be a pretty good salary change.
So I haven’t heard back from the library job yet. If I don’t get it, I’m at least getting a good raise at my current job. If I do get offered the other position, then I’ll have to do some thinking. Mostly because the interviewer never once told me what the salary would be. He said that he would discuss salary next time we talk, which is pretty annoying. Will the salary there be enough? The husband and I are trying to recover from a financially difficult year, and I don’t know if we’re at a point where I can take a pay cut.
But anyway, it’s nice to know that I’m valued at my current place of employment, even if it isn’t my ideal job. It’s also nice to know that there are people out there who would jump at the chance to interview me for a library job.
If nothing else, this week has boosted my confidence. My work is valued. I’ll be able to find the right job for me, I know it. And, the craziest thing of all is this: My annual salary after the raise will be more than double what it was when I started here five years ago. Ha!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
puppy update
Go see a picture of our new puppy at my husband’s blog. Be sure to comment, too, because he’s sure no one reads his blog anymore.
As for the puppy update, she is definitely growing on us. What’s strange is that she doesn’t really make noise. Just slight whimpering when we leave her alone, but she quits when she realizes we’re not coming back. She is also very stubborn. If she doesn’t want to pee, she won’t, even if she’s been holding it all night long. Unless she’s on our carpet and then peeing is a perfectly suitable idea.
Last night we put a little doggie t-shirt on her that my coworker gave me. So cute. The more time goes by, the less inclined I am to take her back. How can you kick someone out of your house that you dressed in preemie clothes? You can’t, that’s what.
Anyway, I have so many things to blog about, including the incredible gift my husband gave me for my birthday and some potential big changes that are in the works for me. But I’ll save the news for another day when I’ve got time to write the details.
As for the puppy update, she is definitely growing on us. What’s strange is that she doesn’t really make noise. Just slight whimpering when we leave her alone, but she quits when she realizes we’re not coming back. She is also very stubborn. If she doesn’t want to pee, she won’t, even if she’s been holding it all night long. Unless she’s on our carpet and then peeing is a perfectly suitable idea.
Last night we put a little doggie t-shirt on her that my coworker gave me. So cute. The more time goes by, the less inclined I am to take her back. How can you kick someone out of your house that you dressed in preemie clothes? You can’t, that’s what.
Anyway, I have so many things to blog about, including the incredible gift my husband gave me for my birthday and some potential big changes that are in the works for me. But I’ll save the news for another day when I’ve got time to write the details.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
puppy love
Oh my. I am messed up!
First, I guess I should say that we got a puppy last night. But today I’m not feeling so good about it. Where to begin?
I guess I’ll start by saying that once you get married, people begin pressuring you and asking you when you’re going to have kids—this has been my experience, anyway. And now that nearly a year has gone by in our marriage, some people have even wondered whether our marriage is okay. (Marital trouble cited as the reason we aren’t having kids yet.) For the record, our marriage is more than okay. I have the best husband in the world.
However, there are specific reasons why I am not ready for children yet. I know what these reasons are, and my husband knows. That’s all that matters to me. No one else needs to be involved.
But what does this have to do with a puppy? Well, the same reasons I’m not ready for children are causing me to feel not ready for a dog, either. Every time I’m around the puppy, I feel happy and excited. She’s a doll. But when I am not in her presence, I have major second thoughts and feel dreadful.
The reason I am messed up is this: How come I didn’t know I wasn’t quite ready for a dog YESTERDAY before we got the dog? Could have been useful information. Because now I just don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I love this dog. My husband loves this dog. But every time I think about it logically, my senses tell me I shouldn’t keep this dog. Which should be a good enough answer—if I feel so weird about it, I probably am not ready for a dog.
At the same time, though, I often get buyer's remorse. I don't know for sure why, but I do. Sometimes I feel sad about a purchase even though it was the right thing at the right time. It's confusing.
The crappy thing is that we are getting quite emotionally attached to it. I know I’ll really be letting my husband down if I decide to take her back to the rescue. He loves her and doesn’t have any of the same hang-ups I do. However, he is being absolutely awesome about this. He hasn’t gotten upset even once about the fact that I’ve been pushing for a dog for months, and now when it finally happens I change my mind. He just tells me he wants me to be happy.
And I don’t feel deserving of that. It’s making me teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband like that. I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but a decision must be made. I’m just glad my husband will support my decision no matter what it is. He’s the best.
First, I guess I should say that we got a puppy last night. But today I’m not feeling so good about it. Where to begin?
I guess I’ll start by saying that once you get married, people begin pressuring you and asking you when you’re going to have kids—this has been my experience, anyway. And now that nearly a year has gone by in our marriage, some people have even wondered whether our marriage is okay. (Marital trouble cited as the reason we aren’t having kids yet.) For the record, our marriage is more than okay. I have the best husband in the world.
However, there are specific reasons why I am not ready for children yet. I know what these reasons are, and my husband knows. That’s all that matters to me. No one else needs to be involved.
But what does this have to do with a puppy? Well, the same reasons I’m not ready for children are causing me to feel not ready for a dog, either. Every time I’m around the puppy, I feel happy and excited. She’s a doll. But when I am not in her presence, I have major second thoughts and feel dreadful.
The reason I am messed up is this: How come I didn’t know I wasn’t quite ready for a dog YESTERDAY before we got the dog? Could have been useful information. Because now I just don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I love this dog. My husband loves this dog. But every time I think about it logically, my senses tell me I shouldn’t keep this dog. Which should be a good enough answer—if I feel so weird about it, I probably am not ready for a dog.
At the same time, though, I often get buyer's remorse. I don't know for sure why, but I do. Sometimes I feel sad about a purchase even though it was the right thing at the right time. It's confusing.
The crappy thing is that we are getting quite emotionally attached to it. I know I’ll really be letting my husband down if I decide to take her back to the rescue. He loves her and doesn’t have any of the same hang-ups I do. However, he is being absolutely awesome about this. He hasn’t gotten upset even once about the fact that I’ve been pushing for a dog for months, and now when it finally happens I change my mind. He just tells me he wants me to be happy.
And I don’t feel deserving of that. It’s making me teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband like that. I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but a decision must be made. I’m just glad my husband will support my decision no matter what it is. He’s the best.
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