Thursday, June 30, 2005

Did you HEAR me?

The following conversation occurred at 1:00am last night. I had taken a nap earlier and so couldn't fall asleep, and John had just come to bed because he had been doing some computer thing (and to be honest I was a little annoyed about it). John had not yet fallen asleep, but he was definitely only half conscious.

Me: I can't sleep.
JJ: Did I hear you? (an inside joke; he's obviously still conscious at this point)
Me: Yes, you heard me. What am I supposed to do?
JJ: (long, long pause....) Do a whole bunch of pull-ups. That'll make you tired.
Me: I can't even do one pull-up! Besides, where am I going to do these pull-ups?
JJ: On a pull-up bar.
Me: We don't have one.
JJ: Should we get one?
Me: No!!!

He went on in his delusional rambling for a while until I finally saw the futility of having a conversation with him, and I miraculously fell asleep.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

love in any language

Sometimes I feel needy and insecure. When this happens, I act needy, insecure, and difficult. I know this makes me unattractive and less likely to get the actual thing I want (reassurance). I know it. But lifetime habits are hard to kick.

I'm starting to realize what my love languages are, though I'm not certain. (When are we going to finish reading the 5 Love Languages book, huh my dearest husband?) I would like to find out JJ's love language as well. So without taking the test, my guess is that my love languages are quality time and physical touch.

When I don't feel that I get enough of those things, I start to feel insecure. And that is when I start acting like a confusing brat. I have got to figure out a healthy, constructive way of communicating my needs, because the current method is definitely NOT working.

I'm just lucky my husband is so good to me anyway. I've been thinking about him all day today, about how blessed I am to have found such a good man. He truly deserves an award for putting up with me sometimes.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

i'm in love, i'm in love and i don't care who knows it

Yes, that's right. I don't care who knows I'm in love. I don't care how cheesy you think this entry is--I am married to the best man in the universe and I can talk about it if I want to.

My husband cuddles with me every night and morning. I can't tell you how safe and how loved I feel because of this. Recently we had a sort of fight, and had stopped talking to each other for a while (I hate it when this happens, but...). When we went to bed, we put our arms around each other and it wasn't long before we were talking again. I love the time I get to spend cuddling with JJ.

I love when my husband and I are sitting next to each other and he reaches over and touches me on the leg or arm. It's not a major thing, but every time he does it, I feel very reassured and loved.

JJ is also very patient. Don't get me wrong, he's got a temper--as do I. But he is always willing to listen to me, to work things through, and to go along with my quirky thought process.

My husband is generous. If I ask him for something, he will do it without questioning me. I am so blessed in this respect. If there's a way to make me happy, he will do it. It's definitely something I can learn from him. I love my husband very much, but sometimes my selfishness gets in the way of doing good for him. JJ is very unselfish in giving to me. And I love him for it.

Sometimes I can be pretty needy, and JJ doesn't get annoyed by it. Instead, he hugs me, or says he loves me for the millionth time that day, or does whatever I need to feel reassured. Bless him for that, because sometimes I just need reassurance.

I'm not saying our relationship is perfect. We have problems just like everybody else, some of them more difficult than others. But I cannot say it strongly enough--I married an incredible man and I am blessed beyond measure because of it.