Monday, June 26, 2006

sometimes it's best not to blog

I drove over Mill Avenue Bridge this evening near sunset. I couldn't see clouds but I could tell they were coming, and the choppy water of Tempe Town Lake reflected the dimming light. I realized that I wanted to cry, and I felt scared that I'll always feel this way.

My evening went downhill from there, and I think I'll just go to bed now.

Goodnight, and good luck.

Friday, June 23, 2006

i like to eat cold cereal

The husband is surely tired of hearing me say this (because I say it a lot), but I love cold cereal. Why? Because. Cold cereal is simultaneously a meal, a beverage, and dessert. And all it requires is that you add milk. Simple. Easy. Delicious.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

office space

My favorite item of clothing a coworker has worn – the vest with appliqu├ęd patriotic stuff sewn on. Come on ladies, a vest? Although I enjoy the puff painted Christmas t-shirts as well…so maybe it’s a tossup.

Also, I’m going to file this one as one of life’s mysteries, but how come my coworker with diabetes eats more cake, candy, and sugar than I do? (And I’m not exactly your model citizen when it comes to sugar…)

That same coworker with diabetes is also remarkably dedicated to her job. One day she packed it up an hour early and said, “You ready to go home?” When we pointed out that she was off by an hour, she said, “Oh good! An extra hour to get work done!” and raced back into her office. (This wasn’t said sarcastically, I promise you.) I doubt I need to point out that this is NOT the reaction I would have had. I believe swearing would possibly be featured in my reaction.

I work in a cubible, or ‘cubie’ as a coworker puts it. Have I ever mentioned that? Before we moved to the building we’re in, I had an office. Or should I say broom closet? Everyone was excited for me that I would be rescued from my tiny little broom closet and become one of the masses in a cubicle. It may have been abysmally small, but it was MY broom closet. It had privacy. I miss it.

I don’t know what came over us, but John and I had a fight one time over the phone, while I was at work, sitting in my cubicle where every word you speak is heard loud and clear. I believe I was crying. What the bleep?

Working in an office is weird. It's no wonder that this concept made its way into a TV show. Though why anybody who works in an office would want to spend time after work hours watching a show like that, I'll never know.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

my anger issues

I don’t know why I’m so blasted annoyed by what is currently annoying me.

I got roped into participating in a musical farewell performance for my boss, who is leaving ASU to be UNR’s president. Fine. But most of the people singing can’t stay on key. Especially the people who are musical performers and think they’re really good at singing.

I know I’m not the best singer, and I know that I don’t always sing on key, but the difference is, I know EXACTLY when I’m not singing on key. They don’t.

So we were practicing this song and everybody got flat. Flat enough that suddenly I was singing the song one note higher than everybody else. And everyone thinks it’s me who got off key. And I’m just annoyed because there’s nothing I hate worse than listening to a performance where the singers change key.

That’s what will happen to us on Monday when we perform for our boss and the whole office. Why do I care? Why am I getting so mad I can almost feel steam coming out my ears?

I don’t know really know…

this too shall pass

K, since you asked about withdrawals, I’ll give you an update. I took my last dose of the evil medicine on Saturday. Keep in mind that the dose was 10 times smaller than the smallest dose they sell (I opened the pill up and took out all but 3 milligrams). Yet it is Wednesday and I am still feeling withdrawal symptoms.

It’s not as bad as it was before, but it's no picnic, either. The only times I don’t feel my symptoms are when I’m exercising (hence, I walk around a lot at work and do DDR as much as I can at home) and stretching my muscles (also a lot of stretching happening at my desk). Oh, and massages and the chiropractor help too, but as I don’t have a full-time masseuse living at my house (John, can you get right on that?), those things happen less frequently.

I’m hoping that by this weekend all traces of the withdrawal will be gone forever. Yay.

Monday, June 19, 2006

everything changes

Something happened this weekend and I want to write about it because it was profound and important to me, but doing so would profane the sacred; so I won't.

I just feel that nothing in life will ever be the same after that experience. I'm not the same.

stop the insanity

Do you ever want to tell someone about a funny story you heard, and then you realize it was something you read on somebody's blog, and you don't even know the person? That's when you know you need to get a life.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

so happy together

So my husband got me an iPod. How good to me is he?!

It makes me so happy to have music with me whenever I want it. I was listening to music and walking around campus yesterday, and it felt strange, as though I had a life soundtrack following me around. Wouldn't that be cool?

But it's making me rethink a few things. I used to think that I would never want to own music without also physically owning a CD with album art and stuff. Now? I think it's just wasteful and cumbersome to have such a large collection of CDs sitting around.

Also, I just don't think I need to collect hundreds of books anymore. I love books. But I no longer feel the need to own them. Which is a good thing, because I don't want to haul around millions of boxes of books for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I'm one small step away from falling asleep at my desk right now. If I could go home, I would. The good news is, I'm not working tomorrow!!

So happy Friday. And have a great weekend.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

obsessions and late nights

We watched the final episode of Season 1 of LOST yesterday. I am now DYING for some answers...I don't know what Season 2 is like, but if it's anything like the first one, they could drag this story on forever, just giving hints and bits and pieces of what's really going on.

Well, now we have to figure out how to watch Season 2...

I'm officially obsessed. Completely. It rivals DDR for my one-track mind.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

richie rich

So John and I are brainstorming the start of a company of sorts. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. It’s nothing big yet. Right now it’s mostly something fun to think about and plan.

I guess it’s time to tell you about the obsession I had as a kid. I wanted to be rich. And not just rich, but rich because of something I invented or did or sold. So my sister and I became entrepreneurs. We dreamed up all kinds of ways to get rich. One time we collected rocks and glued them onto yarn to make jewelry. We arranged them on a table in our front yard and waited for the customers to line up. Nobody did. Another time we picked yellow wildflowers (weeds, actually) that had the most beautiful scent, and put them up for sale. Nobody bought those, either.

The closest we came to riches was when we came up with a brilliant scheme: sell mud balls. So we broke out the hose, rolled some mud into balls and set them in the sun to dry. We put them up for sale for a nickel each. What a bargain! We talked up my sister’s best friend when she came over to play and convinced her that she definitely needed a mud ball. The sale was nearly final when the friend’s mom showed up and nixed any mud balls coming to her house. That was the end of our entrepreneurial days.

We never sold anything. And what I wonder is this – why didn’t my parents take pity on us and buy something?!! Oh well. But the point I’m trying to make with this story is that I never fully lost my dream of coming up with something brilliant and getting rich. So it’s exciting to have perhaps stumbled across a good idea…

I’m still brainstorming for more ideas, too. I know there’s a website that hasn’t yet been created but needs to be. I’d like to create such a website. And I want it to be a website that helps other people. I know I’ll come up with it someday.

Monday, June 12, 2006


Here’s my rant of the week. I get so annoyed by people who think they know all about censorship. The following is an account of one of my coworkers, so I really can’t verify the truthfulness of it, but I’ll respond to her story as if it is all correct.

My coworker went to Deseret Industries (a thrift store run by the LDS church) this weekend. She said she was surprised to find the bookshelves nearly empty, so she asked someone about it.

She said that the store manager told her that many of the books contained inappropriate content, and they weren’t going to sell them.

My coworker then asked if they were taking the books out back to burn them. (I’ll pause here and say that my coworker knows I am LDS, so I wonder why she would say such insulting things about my church to my face.)

She said that the manager simply responded that the books were inappropriate and wouldn’t be sold.

Her response to me? “What’s next? Are they going refuse to sell clothing that’s a little ‘provocative’?!!!”

Well, knowing the standards of my church, YES! That’s exactly the kind of thing they won’t sell. And you know what? They have every right to choose what they sell in their store, because it’s a private company. They aren’t the library. Their objective isn’t to provide unbiased information and knowledge to the world. I’m not the expert on D.I., but I would say their objective is to provide training to help employees find steady, long-term employment while at the same time providing clean, low-priced items to those in need.

D.I. and any other store has the right to sell or not sell anything they please. It gets on my nerves when people get up in arms about censorship in a situation like this. It makes no sense. If you don’t like what a store is selling (or not selling), don’t shop there! Go buy your trashy novels elsewhere and don’t expect a church run store to sell stuff it considers inappropriate. It isn’t obligated to.

Okay. I'm done now. Thanks for listening.

Friday, June 09, 2006

random friday thoughts

Anyone else getting tired of blogger being down?

And also, will my favorites please update?! I've got to have something to read...

And, Blockbuster is an evil place, and when I signed up with them, the only thing they didn't ask for was a DNA sample. I kept waiting for them to ask, though. It was a neccessary evil, however. How else are we going to get our episodes of LOST?!!! I am soooo into this show. Can't wait to go home tonight and watch another episode.

First though, we have to babysit my niece. My sister has been going crazy with how naughty she's been acting (she's 2), so I volunteered to let my niece stay over for the night so my sister and husband can go out and do something for just the two of them.

I'm pretty excited because do you know where I'll be in 10 minutes? At Phoenicia cafe with my husband eating hummus. Yum.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

dream on

You wanna know the hideous dream I had last night?

I dreamed that I had a rag and was meticulously scrubbing tiny stains off a white wall. I'm talking miniscule stains all over the wall. And in my dream I cleaned off every single one. In real time with full details. Boring! And talk about feeling tired when I woke up!

random thoughts from a temporary junkie

Still feeling like the world caved in on my head, in case anyone wondered. Withdrawal not over yet. I'm resisting the urge to reach into my purse for another fix...

I stubbed one of my toes so hard on Sunday, and I yelled so loud that I think John thought imminent destruction was upon me. Luckily, the only destruction was my toe, and it is now purple. The worst part is it forced me to do DDR in beginner mode.

The good news is, beginner mode is no longer a good workout for me. I am getting in shape! Yes!

My DDR obsession being temporarily obstructed, John and I have found a new obsession to keep us occupied: Lost. Yes, I know, that was so two years ago. But guess what? It's really good that we say we'll watch just one episode in an evening and we end up watching three or four.

An episode we watched last night featured a junkie coming down from his drugs. Oh did I ever relate. Sadly. (And in case you don't know, I'm not a drug addict. I was simply given a terrible medication by my doctor, requiring me to suffer for weeks on end as I cease taking it anymore. Okay, that's out of the way. I didn't want you to come away from this entry thinking that I am an addict. If I were an addict, then I'd probably deserve to feel like this. Instead, I am devising ways that I can make the executives of the pharmaceutical company feel like this. They're the evil ones who marketed this 'safe' medication and deserve to suffer in horrible ways for it. Grrrrr. That was a growl. And this is the longest parenthetical reference ever.)

I am not a TV watcher, I swear, but Lost has convinced me that there's actually good TV out there. Unlike The Apprentice, which I sort of watched last night. I still don't understand why I got hooked to that, but now it's over! I don't have to watch anymore!!!

And with that, I'm out of here. I've rambled enough.

Friday, June 02, 2006

on and on the rain will fall, like tears from a star

I am seeking, I am striving, I am in with all my heart. –Vincent van Gogh

The past couple of days I have been basically going through withdrawal. I don’t care what the pharmaceutical companies say, that’s what it is. I am discontinuing the use of one of my medications, and it has been hell trying to come off of it.

I have major vertigo. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling as though a metal rod had been shoved through my brain. I am very sick to my stomach. I want to lie down in bed all day, but instead I’m at work trying to appear normal.

The worst of all is the emotional symptoms. Not good. Not good at all. I am extremely fragile right now. That’s all I’ll say about that.

The good news is that I’m starting to see what my goals in life should be. I feel like a caterpillar making a cocoon. My goals are in their infancy stage, and I’m wrapping myself up in them, letting them ruminate a while as I hibernate. Then, sometime later I will emerge as a beautiful creature with a life path.

That’s how I feel, anyway. I don’t have all the answers, but I feel ideas forming in the back of my brain.

I’m probably not making sense to anyone but me. Or, more likely, no one reads this blog anyway, so it doesn’t make a difference.


How fragile we are; how fragile we are.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

beating a horse

I have a theory that newscasters cannot go one day without mentioning New Orleans/Katrina at least once. Seriously. Have you watched the news when they didn't mention it?

I counted today, and there were five separate mentions. In one news program.

America doesn't care about anything for more than five minutes. Why, then, are they beating us over the head with it? Almost a year after the fact?

whiskey in the jar

I feel better today, thanks. That's because I have a wonderful husband who listened to everything I needed to get out of my system, including a good cry. And he gives good hugs.

So I'm doing better. Except I'm soooo tired. John and I hung out with a few of his former professors last night at 'Pub Quiz,' which is basically a bunch of people eating and drinking (drinking lots!) at an Irish restaurant while answering trivia questions and trying to win the grand prize.

J and I participated in the quiz aspect, not the pub. It was great fun, even though I didn't contribute much. (I swear, my brain is nearly useless. LOTS of information goes in, but not so much comes out. As a one-time humanities major, my brain is FULL of trivial knowledge. Can I pull any of it out when I need it? No. I guess my dream of being on Jeopardy! is never going to be realized.)

Our team won the grand prize! And we got home late and fell into bed. I had a nightmarish dream involving Paul Reubens trying to molest me while I tried to escape from him (yikes, where did I come up with THAT?!!). That combination caused me to wake up fully exhausted; not rested at all.