Tuesday, September 26, 2006

missing the one i love

Went on a walk today and listened to the iPod -- Iron and Wine, Lion’s mane. The sound and lyrics make me feel sad. Especially when my beloved is flying on an airplane hundreds of miles from here.

and love is the scene i render
when you catch me wide awake
and love is the dream you enter
though i shake & shake & shake you
and love's the best endeavor
waiting in the lion's mane

Monday, September 25, 2006

if only...

If only I hadn’t wanted to soak in the hot tub with my soul mate late on Friday night.

If only John and I hadn’t each thought the other person brought the house key.

If only we hadn’t locked the front door.

If only we had brought a cell phone with us.

If only we weren’t in bathing suits when we asked to use the phone at Hungry Howie’s.

If only the locksmith had been more competent and hadn’t taken more than an hour to drill through our front door.

If only he hadn’t charged $150 for the service.

If only.

The good news? We’re both alive, we’re healthy, and we had some extra money lying around in our account, just waiting for an emergency to happen. So everything’s A-ok. Except I never did get to soak it up in the hot tub with my soul mate.

Friday, September 15, 2006

my lost thoughts

We finished Season 2 of LOST last night. Oh my goodness. Several episodes in a row that were just crazy! Here are some of my thoughts. (I never thought I would be a person to write my thoughts about a TV show, but...here I am.)

*Season 2 Spoiler alert*

1. Several people mentioned that we might be disappointed by Season 2. That was not the case. Maybe it's because we got to see all the episodes one after another, but each episode drew me in and intrigued me. Maybe I wasn't disappointed because I didn't expect any real answers. Nah, I can tell that the writers enjoy keeping us in the dark just enough to drive us crazy.

2. I'm totally shocked by how many people died this season. Shot dead. I was really starting to care about Libby and can't believe the writers had the audacity to cut her out. Not fair! And Michael -- I knew he was too emotional and selfish and couldn't be trusted, but to kill people? I don't know about that.

3. What about Hurley's fear that the Island is just a figment of his warped brain? It never really cleared that up to my satisfaction. Is the final season going to cut to a scene of Hurley in the psych ward, explaining away the whole story as part of his imagination? I hope not, but it seems like the option is there.

4. Polar bears seem to be a running theme in many of the episodes. Sometimes a very subtle reference, but often there. I'm sure there are many other subtle themes like that. Makes me want to watch all the episodes over again!

5. Now we're just like everybody else, watching the shows one week at a time. :(

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

blue girl

I'm feeling a little better today. I got home yesterday and my husband had cleaned up the house, emptied the dishwasher, and taken out the trash. How wonderful is he? I knew those things needed to be done, but I just didn't have the energy for them. I'm so blessed to have a husband who saw that I was struggling and did something thoughtful to help out.

My visiting teacher came over last night, and when she asked the requisite question, "How are you doing?" I responded with, "Great. Everything is fine." And everything wasn't fine. The ache in my chest was still there. When you come to my house once a month or so and stay for 15 minutes and then ask me how I'm doing, how in the world would you expect me to answer that question honestly? I'm just going to say everything's A-OK. This is more a lesson to me than pointing a finger at her. I have visit taught many women and I probably missed out on how they were really doing because I didn't take time to be their friend.

Anyway, I'm still not 100% back to happy, but I think I'm a little better.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


I've been so down lately. It's really been a damper on my blogging, on my life, on my accomplishing anything at all. I don't know what the deal is, but I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. And this is one of those weeks where hiding out isn't very possible.

But I will make time for more episodes of LOST. We bought the DVDs on the 6th, and we are almost through the whole season. I'd like to take my time and enjoy each episode slowly. Then again, our impatience wins out because we can't wait to see more of the story. We average 3-4 episodes per night.

Otherwise, I'll be either busy or reading books. My mood is not going to allow for much else.


Friday, September 08, 2006

gonna change my way of thinking

I've been feeling so nostalgic the past few days. Maybe it's because an old friend is in town visiting. But my mood has bordered on the sad.

We watched a LOST episode last night (Season 2, baby!) and Hurley was scared that everything was about to change. Locke said, "Change is good." Hurley replied, "Everyone says that, but it's not true."

Is change a good thing? There are times when I love change. I've moved five times in the past five years. I loved living in China on a whim. I love thinking that in one year we'll be in an entirely new place so that John can get his PhD.

The hard part about change is the way it affects relationships. One of my best friends moved to Washington a few years ago. My siblings got married and started having kids. My parents are getting older. I don't see my friends from college anymore. I got married, and friends I used to hang out with several times a week I'm lucky if I see once a month. Things just change.

When I was a missionary in Bulgaria and it was nearly time for me to come back home, I was so excited to go home to my family, but so sad to leave all my friends in Bulgaria behind. I wished so much that I didn't have to give up one to have the other. But that's the way it is. You leave one place and leave friends behind, but you make new friends in the place you go to.

I think Locke is right. Change is a good thing. It brings many new experiences and friends into my life that I wouldn't have otherwise. I just sometimes wish I could stop time and keep everyone I love with me forever.