Since my last entry I’ve been doing some serious thinking about myself. I haven’t been very proud of some of my recent behavior (as I said in a previous post), and I realized I’ve been acting very selfishly. What I wanted was for things to change, but I didn’t understand that it was me who had to change. I was very frustrated, so I did some searching and found an article and a book.
The article I found-- “Divine Designs of Marriage”, by Laura Brotherson-- really spoke to me. It is from an LDS perspective, but I think the concepts can be pretty universal. This article has changed my perspective completely. If you’re married, check it out!
One thing the author says is, “Personal growth is not optional in marriage.” I noticed that! When I was single, I didn’t have to face some of my weaknesses like I do now, because now someone I love is affected by them.
She also says, “Accepting our spouse unconditionally may be one of the greatest lessons our spouse can help us learn.” If this isn’t the truth, I don’t know what is. Of course, that should be a given in marriage, but it just wasn’t sinking in for me. Plus, the way she words this lets me know that accepting someone unconditionally is a process we learn; it’s not necessarily inherent or easy.
Basically what I got from the article is that we’re imperfect, but we can learn to love each other unconditionally (which will allow us both to learn and grow at our own pace). And even though it’s not always easy, we can learn to meet each other’s needs if we’re willing to stretch and grow and work at it. (Meeting each other’s needs doesn’t always come naturally!) I have a long way to go, but I now have a starting point and something to work toward, and that makes me happy.
Anyway, I feel much happier than I did. Basically I was wallowing in self-pity, and I’m not going to do that anymore. The book I found Bonds that Make us Free: Healing our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves is helping me see what I need to change about myself and how to change it. (It’s serialized on the internet if you want to read the whole thing.) I haven't read very far into it, but it's amazing so far.
I’m serious about changing. I’m committed to becoming the person I know I should be. For myself and for my husband and future family, I will make whatever difficult changes are necessary.
p.s. Go visit my husband’s blog and say hi. He would love it. (And he also has more pictures of us over there.)