Tuesday, January 31, 2006

puppy love

Oh my. I am messed up!

First, I guess I should say that we got a puppy last night. But today I’m not feeling so good about it. Where to begin?

I guess I’ll start by saying that once you get married, people begin pressuring you and asking you when you’re going to have kids—this has been my experience, anyway. And now that nearly a year has gone by in our marriage, some people have even wondered whether our marriage is okay. (Marital trouble cited as the reason we aren’t having kids yet.) For the record, our marriage is more than okay. I have the best husband in the world.

However, there are specific reasons why I am not ready for children yet. I know what these reasons are, and my husband knows. That’s all that matters to me. No one else needs to be involved.

But what does this have to do with a puppy? Well, the same reasons I’m not ready for children are causing me to feel not ready for a dog, either. Every time I’m around the puppy, I feel happy and excited. She’s a doll. But when I am not in her presence, I have major second thoughts and feel dreadful.

The reason I am messed up is this: How come I didn’t know I wasn’t quite ready for a dog YESTERDAY before we got the dog? Could have been useful information. Because now I just don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I love this dog. My husband loves this dog. But every time I think about it logically, my senses tell me I shouldn’t keep this dog. Which should be a good enough answer—if I feel so weird about it, I probably am not ready for a dog.

At the same time, though, I often get buyer's remorse. I don't know for sure why, but I do. Sometimes I feel sad about a purchase even though it was the right thing at the right time. It's confusing.

The crappy thing is that we are getting quite emotionally attached to it. I know I’ll really be letting my husband down if I decide to take her back to the rescue. He loves her and doesn’t have any of the same hang-ups I do. However, he is being absolutely awesome about this. He hasn’t gotten upset even once about the fact that I’ve been pushing for a dog for months, and now when it finally happens I change my mind. He just tells me he wants me to be happy.

And I don’t feel deserving of that. It’s making me teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband like that. I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but a decision must be made. I’m just glad my husband will support my decision no matter what it is. He’s the best.


s'mee said...

ugh. Although I was the poster girl for getting married early (18) and producing a brood of healthy little ones (starting at 20) I was also frustrated by the "cute" inqueries and remarks by well meaning -if not subtle or tactful- folk at church and elsewhere. After a while you just want to tell them something extremely graphic (made up or not)in hopes they will become embarrassed and learn some things are not for public speculation.
"Oh we'd love to have children right now but we are waiting for the trans-gendering to kick in completely."

As far as the puppy goes, I can relate also. I love animals, but always regret having one for many reasons. It's o.k. to feel the way you do. It's o.k. to keep or give him back. 'Sounds like you already have a super husband who will understand either way. Do what is best for you and the puppy and in a few days you will feel fine about your decision.

gabby said...

Don't even get me started about the pressuring to have kids. Ugh. I hate that. So no one's business. However, after 6 years of marriage & no heir, we started getting "are you adopting soon"? Apparently when I spouted that NO ONE was to ask us about kids from day one of our engagement, everyone assumed we had problems. Whatever...Shocked the pants off people now that I am pregnant, though (I love to tell those people it only took a month, too. They just don't know what to say!). I say take your time. No one ever wished they had them sooner, only that they had waited longer!

We aren't pet people, but I still relate. I wonder about the kid & I still have "buyer's remorse" about it. The I can't take it back!!! kind. I'm hoping that goes away somewhere in the next 6 months...

east of eden said...

Remember when you were single and all people could ask you was, "when are you getting married?" And now that you're married the first thing out of their mouths is about kids. I can relate, we get asked the same things all the time. Joseph will respond with a zinger like: "Um kids, how do they get made?" or I always like to say, "Well we just tried last night." This usually shuts them right up. :) Your dog sounds super cute though, give it time, you will love it. :)

holli jo said...

Thanks for all your comments of support. Good to know I'm not the only one who gets the kid comments. :) And thanks for the puppy advice.