Wednesday, September 21, 2005

what's your 20?

Vent of the day: Work is overwhelming me! I’m going crazy with all there is to do. I am in the middle of about 5 projects, and NONE of them are wrapping themselves up. Meanwhile, all my other regular work is piling up. Sigh. I don’t get paid enough for this.

Low of the day: I walked around on ASU campus today. I usually spend my day hovering over a computer screen and don’t venture onto the campus much. But today I did. Ironically, I did so to attend a class about general health—exercise, eating right, etc. They gave us a pedometer and then pumped us up for being healthy. Then I walked back to my office building, noticing all the beautiful young girls who are skinny, blond, and have perfect hair and makeup. It was completely depressing and cancelled all the benefits of the class I just took. Do you have to be under 21 and born with the right genes in order to be what’s hot right now? Sigh. Why I should care, I’m not sure. But I do. I want to be someone that people think ‘wow’ when they look at me. Today I just feel old and slightly unattractive. I’m sure I’ll get over it, and there are certainly more important things to think about…

High of the day: Something clicked for me today. It’s a very personal thing, and I’m not sure I could explain it even if I wanted to. So I’ll just say that I prayed for something this morning, something very specific. I prayed to understand a concept I’ve been wondering about and working on. Later on today I read something on lds.org -- a small paragraph that hit me like lightning. Suddenly I understood the concept like I never had before. Not only that, but I realized that my prayer had been answered. It might sound like a small thing, but it's a concept I felt was vitally important for me to understand right now. And now I do.

5 comments:

Chemist for now said...

hello. I'm just wondering about how you identify yourself. Do you define yourself as a wife just because it's a new part of who you are or do you truly feel that this is your new identity and you've left the rest behind? Sorry if this seems too intense or personal, but I'm just wondering from a feminist perspective. Good luck with the depressing days, I know how those go.

kimbo said...

I can't tell you how many comments we got about the "hot chick on the fridge" while we still had your wedding announcement up! :) You're hard on yourself and should give yourself more credit. Maybe I should just leave a tape recorder around to catch all the comments on the beautiful bride. :) Good luck with work! I used to think working in a library would be the easiest job ever. A lot of times, it is, but holy cow, when things pile up...! Oh, I figured out how to not be retarded and use the 'other' option instead of 'anonymous'. Took me long enough? :P

John said...

You ARE what's hot right now, beautiful wife of mine. I don't want bottle-blond, silicone enhanced, fake bakers!! I want my Audrey Hepburn-esque, elegant, smart, partner in life...

Love you so much,

Your hubby,

J

reva said...

I totally had the same problem when I was at ASU too - all those perfect blonde clones - and even all the ones at church. I felt like a grandma! but off in the real world, you're the sexy that counts - and it's sooo sweet how your hubby agrees with me:)

holli jo said...

Awww! You guys are the best. Thanks for making me feel better. Chemist for now, I'll answer your question in my next post. Kimbo and Reva, you guys are so nice! And J, as always--you are amazing and wonderful. Thanks for making me feel better everyone!