what if i found my dream job?

Advil has become my new best friend. When I was sick (about 5 days) I took an Advil every 5 hours or so to keep my temperature down. Now that’s past, but a sinus headache has taken its place. So every time I lie down, a pain hits me in the eye. It’s like somebody is stabbing me in the eye with a pencil. So it’s either not lie down and get no sleep, or take an Advil at night. Then I wake up in the middle of the night after the medicine wears off with more stabbing pains…so I hit the Advil yet again. One of these days I won’t be taking a million pills a day, I hope. I’d tell you how many I’m taking right now, but you wouldn’t believe me—or you’d think I was dying of something. Surely.

Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS: I interviewed this morning for my perfect job. It couldn’t be more made for me, and I hope I conveyed that in the interview. The job would be as a children/youth librarian at the local public library. Totally me! I would work at the children’s reference desk, plan and carry out story time and other activities, create brochures & other promotional stuff. And not only that, the position would include creating and maintaining web pages. I would be in heaven doing this. The salary is pretty good, too.

I didn’t want to talk about it or post about it beforehand, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I still don’t. But I did my best at the interview, and that’s really all I can do. I came out of the interview feeling pretty good. The scary part of the interview? The first thing they made me do was pick a book and a finger puppet and do an impromptu story time in front of the three interviewers. Yikes! But I did okay…probably not the best story time they’ve ever seen, because I’ve never actually done one before, but okay.

Even if I don’t get this job I feel more hopeful now. I can and will find the right job for me. If I had my way it would have happened a long time ago, but I’ll accept what comes my way and be thankful when it does happen.

out sick yet again

My blog has been seriously neglected lately, but for good reason. I got sick again. Maybe it was strep throat, but maybe not. Whatever it was, it kicked my butt. I’m still trying to fight off a horrible cough, but at least I can go to work and exercise again.

That’s right, I said exercise! I have been doing at least 10 minutes or more of exercise every weekday (until I got sick). Now I’m back at it. This week I’m moving up to 20-30 minutes of exercise. I’m still going strong on SparkPeople. I got a few of my family members to do it with me, and we’ve created quite a team. We race each other for points, but mostly we encourage each other to make small healthy changes in our lifestyle. It’s great.

And you know what? I’ve lost two pounds so far. My clothing already looks less bad on me. I feel very empowered to accomplish this goal and many others.

At the same time, some of my goals are pretty tough to accomplish. So much so that I get discouraged sometimes. And sometimes I wish I weren’t so goal oriented; that I could live and enjoy and just be. But everything turns into a goal for me, and I get tired of my life being one long checklist. Sigh. I guess I’m a little down today. It happens. Thanks for listening.

found a spark

I came to a dramatic conclusion the other day. I'm tired of looking bad in my clothing, and I decided to do something about it. I've thought that a million times before, but this time I was serious.

So I joined SparkPeople. Ever heard of it? It's really the most awesome tool to come along for weight loss, exercise, healthy lifestyle, and goal setting. I love it. If you are thinking about losing weight, finding and sticking to lifestyle changes, or wanting to set up exercise into your schedule, join SparkPeople.
First off, it's free, and it offers awesome tools and helps for achieving your goals. I've only been a member for three days, but already I can tell a huge difference in my attitude and motivation. The guy who created this site truly wants to help people. His story is inspiring. I probably sound like an infomercial, but I can't help it. I'm inspired and I want to pass on the love!

Anyway, I am planning to lose 15 pounds in the next four months. It's not a lot of weight, but it's enough that I had to get serious in order to get into a healthy mindset. I'm making life changes and I am dang proud of myself for doing it.

I'll probably update on my progress from time to time.

Okay, I'm off to get ready to go to Tucson to celebrate my anniversary! Happy St. Patrick's day, and have a great weekend...

love lives here

Today marks the first day of our second year of marriage.

Our first anniversary was yesterday, and it was nice. It was Sunday, so we woke up late, went to church, and then ate a low-key meal and watched Back to the Beach together. Not exciting, I suppose. But it was nice to spend time together, knowing that we’ve been married a year, and that more great years are coming.

We didn’t have our frozen wedding cake to eat (it’s in my parents’ freezer, alas), so we took two Reese’s peanut butter cups, said cheers, and ate them up.

We’re also planning to go spend a night at a hotel on the 17th, which will be the day when we celebrate a little more; possibly going out of town, definitely lounging in a hotel and visiting museums and such.

But even if we don’t do that, yesterday was enough. I am blessed. I found my true love and I’ve had him for a year. Year two begins today.

tagged

Wow, S’mee tagged me for this fun little questionaire. Thanks!!!

Four Jobs I Have Had in My Life:

1) Recreation counselor – One of the funnest jobs I’ve ever had. I just played games and made crafts with kids. I became the Battleship and Connect Four champion.
2) Hostess at the coffee shop at the Virgin River Casino in Mesquite, NV – Oh my, how I hated that job and the black pants and pink shirt. And the evil waitresses. Let’s not forget the time I spilled an entire pitcher of water on my mother!
3) Server at Denny’s – Boy, was I moving up in the world! From hostess to server. Let’s just say that my boss was Ghengis Khan and never bought new food supplies until they were all gone and customers were complaining. What?!!!
4) Janitor/Custodian at the BYU – I had to get up at 4 in the morning for this job. I slept through many a class and got my worst grade ever during this time period.

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1) What about Bob? – This movie is a classic, but it doesn’t explain why my husband and I can watch it so many times.
2) Napoleon Dynamite – But my lips hurt real bad!
3) Parent Trap I-IV – My husband doesn’t share the love, but my sisters do!
4) Gidget – I love this movie.

Four Places I've Lived:

1) Overton, Nevada – For the first 18 years of my life.
2) Provo, Utah – The college years.
3) Sofia and Burgas, Bulgaria – LDS Mission.
4) Bejing, China – Taught English there for a short time after getting my degree and not having any direction whatsoever.

Four TV shows you love to watch:

I don’t love TV much, but…
1) Everwood – Before it got trashy, like everything does. Yeah, it’s on the WB, but it used to be good.
2) 24 – I’ve only watched this one once, if you can believe it. But I liked it.
3) The Biggest Loser – Saw this one a couple of times. Pretty good.
4) The Great Race – Watched it once. I’d watch it again.

Four Websites you visit daily:

Geez, I don’t have any interesting ones…hotmail, yahoo, people’s blogs…
1) asu.edu – Yeah, I have to.
2) Maybe I’m a nerd, but I go here a lot. I love the public libraries.
3) I don’t visit it daily, but it’s fun: readymademag.com
4) Used to visit but don’t anymore: ericdsnider.com

Four of My Favorite Foods:

1) Bread – There is no food I love more than good bread. I could eat it all day, every day.
2) Hummus – Though it seems to be the most gas causing substance known to humankind (TMI?), I love it.
3) Feta cheese – On salads, pizza, and bread; in my favorite Bulgarian food banitsa; feta cheese is worth its weight in gold.
4) Prosciutto and melon – Hey, it sounds weird, but my husband introduced me to it, and it’s good. Actually, I like any Italian food he makes.

Four Places I'd rather be right now:

1) Home in bed with my sweet husband. :)
2) In NV with the whole family.
3) In Europe with the husband, visiting Italy, Albania, and Bulgaria.
4) On a cruise (to anywhere but Alaska) with the husband.

Four folks to pass this on to:

1) Johnny, the husband.
2) TK, the friend.
3) penguinconqueso, another friend.
4) Eden, friend from way back.

Thanks! And have fun.

i want to feel like myself again

Okay, TK and kimbo! You are right—a week is too long to go without writing. Thanks for caring. :) The truth is, I was a zombie all last week. And that’s not much of an exaggeration.

I’m on new medications, and they are making me so tired that I can hardly function. One of the medications is for allergies, and sleepiness is one of the symptoms. So I finally stopped taking that. But guess what? The allergy symptoms came back full force, and surprisingly are EVEN WORSE than being tired all the time. So I went back on the medicine and made an appointment to see my doctor.

I just want to feel normal again. If that’s even possible. My husband says he doesn’t think I’ve been myself for at least nine months, and I don’t know that I can disagree…

A week goes by and it seems like my life changes completely. Here’s a random sampling of what’s been going on:

**It’s my husband’s 25th birthday!!! Go here to wish him a happy birthday.

**Remember the library job? Well, I got offered the position. The salary offered was pretty much what I’m making now (except without my new raise), and he wouldn’t budge on that. Still, I was all set to take the position but found out other things that made the offer much less acceptable.

1. I wouldn’t get benefits for three months. We are not currently in a position to be able to go without benefits. Remember the emergency room? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pay for that out of pocket.

2. I would be paying $150 more per month on insurance premiums. So my salary dropped even further.

3. I would only get 10 vacation days per year (I get 22 where I’m at now), and they wouldn’t start accruing for three months. Also, I would get no sick days—instead, I’d have to use vacation days if I got sick. (At ASU I get 12 sick days per year).

4. The guy who made the offer was just sketchy on too many things. I realized I would have no idea what I was getting into, and by the time I found out, it would be too late to do anything about it.

For these reasons and others, I declined the offer. I was a little sad, because I truly want to work in a library, but I don’t regret my decision. So I guess that means I made the right choice. It’s back to the job search for me.

**Some hard things are going on with my family right now. I guess you could say my dad got ‘fired’ from the best part of his job. He still has his job, but without the cool part. And the person who did the ‘firing’ is my mom’s direct boss. It hurts a lot to hear that my dad was sobbing after he got the news. The hardest thing is that there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s hard for me to see the people I love in pain. I’ve been praying a lot for them.

**I went to the doctor, and it seems like she really knows what she’s doing. They drew blood to check out my thyroid. We’ll see how things go with that.

**Something unbelievable—my coworker/supervisor apologized for her behavior on Friday. I wasn’t expecting that at all, but it was great of her to do it. Things are much less tense around here. Crazy.

stuff

1. I feel very bad about the following:

My coworker/supervisor (When I was hired, she was my direct supervisor. Now we're pretty much coworkers even though she still treats me as though she's my supervisor. When I get my raise and title change, I will consider her a coworker and act that way.) said something to me and a coworker that made us feel like we're being babysat.

Later, I was about to make the comment to her, "I wonder if I should tell coworker/supervisor that her comments make me feel like a peon." I didn't get the words out of my mouth because coworker/supervisor walked into the room. I snapped my mouth shut and felt like a jerk.

Especially when coworker/supervisor said, "Why do you guys always get quiet when I walk into a room?" (I don't know what she's referring to when she says 'always'.) "I'm not dumb. I know you do it." I had no comment. I just felt so stupid and ashamed, because though I don't always do it, in this instance she was dead on. I was talking about her. And I shouldn't have been.

My relationship with this woman was already strained. Now she thinks I'm sitting around talking about her all the time. Sigh. When the title change comes, I will just interact with her much less. Or when I get a new job. Whichever comes first.

2. I finally called a doctor today. Last night I was coughing and scratching my face so hard that I woke up out of a dead sleep. I thought I was having an allergic reaction of some kind. Maybe I was, and it was the last straw. I'm tired of sneezing all day long. I'm tired of itchy eyes, throat, nose, mouth, lips. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of depression. Sick and d*** tired of all these things. So I made the call. Of course, I probably won't get in to see a doctor for a few weeks, but at least I made the first move.

I still need to call my counselor and get an appointment, but I guess I'll focus on one thing at a time.

3. I like to make lists.

4. It is currently 3pm. I get to go home in two hours! tick tick tick tick....

blue is blue and so am i

I am at work about to have a breakdown. I can’t say it’s just one thing causing this. It’s more of a combination; a stress cocktail, if you will. I’m just to the point where I can’t take it anymore.

I can’t take one more night of doing nothing more than watching TV or movies when I get home from work. But the problem is that I have no energy or desire to do anything else. I do feel guilty about doing nothing else, though. Oh yes! A better person would keep in touch with their friends, keep their house clean, spend quality time with their spouse, do volunteer work somewhere – so say my thoughts. I don’t measure up to these standards at all. I don’t even try to.

Yes, depression is seriously hindering my ability to accomplish anything or feel good about anything. I feel like I’m wearing cement shoes. Any simple task feels like I’m being asked to climb a mountain. I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of feeling tired. I’m tired of feeling that my life is worthless.

I need help but I don’t know where to start. My counselor is good, but I’ve tapered off my visits. My doctor dispenses prescriptions like they’re candy, so I don’t want to get a prescription from her – she’d give one to a drug addict. I want real help and advice, not just her signature on a piece of paper. Not that I’m opposed to medication; I just want to make sure it’s is warranted before I go that route. Which means getting a new doctor, which means waiting weeks to get in to see her, which means that in the meantime, I suffer.

I guess I just needed to write this out so I don’t have an actual breakdown at work. I hope I can find a solution here so that I don’t feel this way anymore. Thanks for “listening.” Writing it out really does help.

"And if you carry me tonight
I would be strong enough to fight
And when you're weak and can't go on
I'd be the bed you lay upon"

i'm so lucky

Okay. I have to mention the amazing gift my husband gave me for my birthday. He has gone above and beyond what I ever expected for my birthday. I was simply amazed when I opened it.

A while before he gave the gift to me, he told me I was really going to like it. Then I found out he was keeping it at his mom's house, which made it seem like a large item. A piece of furntiure? I wondered, but couldn't figure it out.

Finally, on the day we got back from San Antonio, he gave me this:



Yes, my husband gave me a mandolin for my birthday!!! I could not have been more surprised or excited about a gift. John knows me so well! The interesting thing is, I had only mentioned in passing that someday I'd like to learn to play the mandolin. But that was enough for him to search around online for hours, finding a mandolin for me so that I could fulfill my dream!

I am still amazed that I have such a perceptive, sweet husband. He took the time to figure out what I like, spent a lot of time finding what I liked, and then purchased it for me. I ended up with a truly unique birthday present--a gift specifically for me. And that means so much to me.

I guess this is an entry where I get to be sappy and say that I found the perfect person for me. I have been blessed in so many ways since getting married...I can hardly count them. In six days we'll have been married eleven months, and while it's hard to believe so much time has passed, the saying is true that time flies when you're having fun. And we certainly are.

I know I'm not a perfect wife--I know it too well. But I have a husband who loves me anyway and lets me become something better. And I don't take this for granted. I definitely know I've got a good thing.

working for a living

So much stuff to blog about! It’s all starting to pile up. This week has been interesting; a lot has changed.

First, the job search. Right before my birthday I decided to take some action. A coworker had given me an ad for a library job at a small trade college. So I applied. An hour later, the guy called to ask if he could interview me. I was stunned—this had never happened to me before.

In fact, I was a little suspicious at first. When I asked what kind of library position it was and what I’d be doing (the ad didn’t say), the man said, “Oh, you know. The same stuff you do in any library.” Hmmm.

But I agreed to an interview, which I had on Monday. It soon became apparent why the man had no idea what I’d be doing in the library: he is the director of the school and probably doesn’t set foot in the library. Also, the college usually has two librarians on staff, but they have none currently. So the interview was odd, to say the least.

He asked maybe three questions about my qualifications as a librarian (One of them was actually, “You know the Dewey decimal system, right?" The Dewey decimal system is really the least of a librarian’s worries.), gave me a tour of the college, then said, “So, is this a place you want to work for?”

Actually, it is. The library is small. Small enough to have personal contact with each and every patron (the college has 400 students). Small enough that I would be involved in every aspect of librarianship: collections development, circulation, reference, budget, etc. I don’t know for sure whether I would enjoy working at this particular college, but it would definitely be a great thing to put on my resume.

Oh, and to make the position full-time (the library is only part-time), they would have me teach English 101 classes. This prospect is both exciting and scary. A few years ago I was in a teacher certification program to teach English, but I realized I don’t have what it takes to teach English to high schoolers. Do I have what it takes to teach it to college students? I don’t know. But at the same time, the challenge sounds interesting…

THEN, on Wednesday, my boss came to me and said, “I know you’re considering another job, but before you take it, talk to me first, because I’m working on a title change and a raise for you.” Wow. Later in the day she told me that it would be about a 10% raise. That combined with the raise that everyone gets in March (6%, I think) would be a pretty good salary change.

So I haven’t heard back from the library job yet. If I don’t get it, I’m at least getting a good raise at my current job. If I do get offered the other position, then I’ll have to do some thinking. Mostly because the interviewer never once told me what the salary would be. He said that he would discuss salary next time we talk, which is pretty annoying. Will the salary there be enough? The husband and I are trying to recover from a financially difficult year, and I don’t know if we’re at a point where I can take a pay cut.

But anyway, it’s nice to know that I’m valued at my current place of employment, even if it isn’t my ideal job. It’s also nice to know that there are people out there who would jump at the chance to interview me for a library job.

If nothing else, this week has boosted my confidence. My work is valued. I’ll be able to find the right job for me, I know it. And, the craziest thing of all is this: My annual salary after the raise will be more than double what it was when I started here five years ago. Ha!

puppy update

Go see a picture of our new puppy at my husband’s blog. Be sure to comment, too, because he’s sure no one reads his blog anymore.

As for the puppy update, she is definitely growing on us. What’s strange is that she doesn’t really make noise. Just slight whimpering when we leave her alone, but she quits when she realizes we’re not coming back. She is also very stubborn. If she doesn’t want to pee, she won’t, even if she’s been holding it all night long. Unless she’s on our carpet and then peeing is a perfectly suitable idea.

Last night we put a little doggie t-shirt on her that my coworker gave me. So cute. The more time goes by, the less inclined I am to take her back. How can you kick someone out of your house that you dressed in preemie clothes? You can’t, that’s what.

Anyway, I have so many things to blog about, including the incredible gift my husband gave me for my birthday and some potential big changes that are in the works for me. But I’ll save the news for another day when I’ve got time to write the details.

puppy love

Oh my. I am messed up!

First, I guess I should say that we got a puppy last night. But today I’m not feeling so good about it. Where to begin?

I guess I’ll start by saying that once you get married, people begin pressuring you and asking you when you’re going to have kids—this has been my experience, anyway. And now that nearly a year has gone by in our marriage, some people have even wondered whether our marriage is okay. (Marital trouble cited as the reason we aren’t having kids yet.) For the record, our marriage is more than okay. I have the best husband in the world.

However, there are specific reasons why I am not ready for children yet. I know what these reasons are, and my husband knows. That’s all that matters to me. No one else needs to be involved.

But what does this have to do with a puppy? Well, the same reasons I’m not ready for children are causing me to feel not ready for a dog, either. Every time I’m around the puppy, I feel happy and excited. She’s a doll. But when I am not in her presence, I have major second thoughts and feel dreadful.

The reason I am messed up is this: How come I didn’t know I wasn’t quite ready for a dog YESTERDAY before we got the dog? Could have been useful information. Because now I just don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I love this dog. My husband loves this dog. But every time I think about it logically, my senses tell me I shouldn’t keep this dog. Which should be a good enough answer—if I feel so weird about it, I probably am not ready for a dog.

At the same time, though, I often get buyer's remorse. I don't know for sure why, but I do. Sometimes I feel sad about a purchase even though it was the right thing at the right time. It's confusing.

The crappy thing is that we are getting quite emotionally attached to it. I know I’ll really be letting my husband down if I decide to take her back to the rescue. He loves her and doesn’t have any of the same hang-ups I do. However, he is being absolutely awesome about this. He hasn’t gotten upset even once about the fact that I’ve been pushing for a dog for months, and now when it finally happens I change my mind. He just tells me he wants me to be happy.

And I don’t feel deserving of that. It’s making me teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband like that. I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but a decision must be made. I’m just glad my husband will support my decision no matter what it is. He’s the best.

medical emergencies

In one month I have seen enough doctor’s offices and emergency medical centers to last me a lifetime. John has been having several unexplained infections. Right after Christmas we spent a full day in an Urgent Care in Las Vegas. John had a sinus infection and swimmer’s ear, which, if you’ve ever had it, you know how painful it is! Right after that we both got sick. I think we caught colds from the runny-nosed kids at the Urgent Care.

The Sunday before last we ended up in Urgent Care again, this time in a nice Scottsdale location. (We were in and out in under an hour – such a change from our Nevada experience.) This time, John was diagnosed with several conditions and given more antibiotics.

Where were we the very next Sunday (i.e., yesterday)? In the emergency room. It was actually quite scary. John woke up and couldn’t breathe or swallow – his throat was closing up. I threw on some clothes and frantically drove him to the emergency room. It turns out that not breathing is a true emergency. We didn’t even have to wait in the waiting room for one second. He was ushered to the back immediately. (I’ve waited with friends in the ER for hours, so it was kind of scary to have it treated as an actual emergency, when so many other people with emergencies wait and wait.)

Well, it turns out John has yet ANOTHER infection, this time in his throat. He was instructed to throw away the antibiotics he was already taking, given a new antibiotic and some steroids to reduce the swelling. And we were sent on our merry way.

He’s doing okay now; the swelling is almost gone. But I am just worried. Why is his immune system doing so poorly? What is really going on? And how many more urgent cares/emergency rooms will we be visiting before we find out?

When I worry about his health it makes John feel guilty. He doesn’t want me to have to worry about him. But I do. Most of the time I am positive that we will be able to figure this thing out and get him healthy again. But there are moments when I fear. And times when I ask, Lord how long?

He’ll be okay. At least we have each other through this trial. And that, along with major praying, is the biggest comfort I have.

random conversation of the day

John: I guess I could get a Trinity t-shirt.
Me: Someday you're going to have too many t-shirts.
John: Yeah. And someday I'm going to be famous. And I'll auction my t-shirts on e-bay like William Shatner's kidney stone.

deep in the heart of texas

To the woman who looked breathtakingly gorgeous with perfect hair and makeup even after a two-hour flight to San Antonion: I hate you.

Here I am in San Antonio, enjoying every minute of my stay. Last night we went to dinner and then walked along the river. Beautiful. Maybe it's because I grew up in Nevada where all the buildings are either new, fake, or shabby (or often a combination of the three), but I truly appreciate the architecture here. The buildings are so rich in history and originality. I could see myself living in a place like this.

And this morning I slept in until just before the continental breakfast went away, took a bath, and read my new Lemony Snicket book. I'm just lounging (which I enjoy immensely) until John finishes his assessment. Tonight we'll hit the town and celebrate my birthday in style.

This is my first trip to Texas, and so far I love it. However, I'm a little confused by the fact that nobody has that exaggerated Texan accent I expected them to have. Do the people who leave the state of Texas feel the need to prove where they're from by drawling big time? Or is that accent just from a different region in Texas?

Well, better go. Off to do more lounging. :)

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

My birthday was a success. I got many lovely presents from coworkers, friends, and family. And I still have John’s present(s) to look forward to. :)

Two of my good friends came over last night and we ate Oreganos takeout, had too much junk food, and watched The Parent Trap. So fun! Then my friend TK spent the night so I wouldn’t have to be alone on my birthday, which was so nice of her. I needed it, too. I was kind of sad not having John around on my birthday. Being alone would have been a bit too much.

Plus, during the middle of the night I had a dream about that Danny kid from The Shining. I distinctly heard “Redrum! Redrum!” coming from somewhere in the house. It woke me up, and at that moment I was never so glad to have someone else in the house with me.

And this afternoon I’m off to San Antonio to meet up with my sweet husband. I can’t wait. In fact, I’m sitting here at work unable to concentrate. I just want to be with my husband again. I missed him way too much.

happy birthday to me!

Today is my birthday, and it’s been wonderful so far. (Apart from waking up in the morning with no one to cuddle next to. :( Which reminds me—without my husband’s built-in heater I had to wear pajamas, socks, AND warm up a rice bag to take to bed with me.)

Anyway, several items of interest.

1. A coworker gets bonus points after this conversation:

Her: How old are you turning?
Me: 31.
Her: WHAT??!!! I thought you were 22 or 23!

How she could think that, I don’t know. But it sure made my day.

2. Nobody noticed that I dyed my hair yesterday. Which is funny, considering the ordeal that it was. I’m sure TK will be mad at me for what I say, but I’m writing it anyway. My friend TK is kind enough to dye my hair for free. She is not a professional, and in her words, “You get what you pay for.”

I wanted my hair dyed to cover up the few gray hairs I have. It’s my birthday—no gray hairs! However, after we finished dyeing my hair, I looked in the mirror, and the gray hairs were still there on my head! I had no choice but to pull them out one by one.

The other problem is that the dye not only dyes my hair, but also my scalp and part of my face. No amount of scrubbing afterward gets it out. Time alone resolves that problem. Meanwhile, I look like leprosy has erupted on my head.

And then nobody can even tell a change has occurred with the color of my hair. Oh well. What can you do? But it’s my birthday, so I don’t care. I look hot today, and that’s all that matters.

our first night apart

I drove my husband to the airport this morning so he could fly to New York for a fellowship assessment. This is officially the first night since we got married that I (and he) will be sleeping alone. :( It’s going to be so weird. The bed will feel so empty.

The only sad thing is, my birthday is tomorrow, so I won’t get to be with him on my birthday. And I want to have a good birthday.

BUT, the good news is that I'm hanging out with my girlfriends Wednesday night, and then Thursday I fly to San Antonio to meet John (he has an assessment for a second fellowship in San Antonio), and we’ll celebrate my birthday together in Texas. :)

And I’ve already received some awesome presents—My sister got me Parent Trap I & II, and it’s difficult to explain to you how gleeful I was to get this present. Parent Trap II has never even been SOLD before; it was on TV only (which may explain to you the quality of that film…), and I’ve wanted to watch it for a long time, but just didn’t have it. So, yeah…time for a PT I-IV party!!!

My mother-in-law gave me a Victoria’s Secret gift card, which yielded me the best bra ever!

And my grandpa-in-law (is that correct?) gave me money.

And I wasn’t even expecting presents. I love my birthday!!!

i'm finally updating!

Okay, major update since I haven’t posted for so long.

Jury duty. I managed to be dismissed from the jury, probably because I admitted that it is possible I would trust the testimony of a police officer more than I would trust a regular person’s testimony. I knew when I said it that it might get me dismissed, but I said it because I truly think I might. It would be a subconscious thing, but it could happen.

And so, after spending most of that day sitting around in a lobby doing nothing, I was sent on my way, having done my duty to humanity (as a juror, at least. And only for the next year and a half.).

Work. My work situation is terrible. I have been so busy I go home at night and collapse. I’ve worked overtime this week, worked my butt off, and ultimately spend all my energy at a place I have no desire to be at. This is why I haven’t posted in a while, and also why I haven’t been looking for a new job. I just haven’t had the time and energy.

But you know what? Next week, I’m making time. I don’t care anymore that these things HAVE to get done at work. I’m taking a lunch. I’m going home at 5pm. I will not let this job suck me in for another year. I job search. End of story.

Life. I finally admitted to myself that I’m dealing with depression again. I guess I hoped that ignoring it would make it go away. Guess what? Ignoring didn’t help. So now I have to find a way out. Here’s what I’m going to try:

1. I’m changing my diet and exercise. I’m cutting out sugars and adding veggies, fruits, and a multi-vitamin. I’m going to go walking on my lunch hour at least twice a week. I’ll also do an exercise video at home once a week. I’ve started eating healthier this week, and I’m already noticing a difference in how I feel.

2. I’m going to start getting enough sleep. That will be a major help to me.

3. I’m job searching and won’t quit until I am working for a new employer.

4. I’m reading a book about how to make cognitive and behavioral changes. Depressed people have thought processes and behaviors that help keep them depressed, so I’m going to work on changing those things about me.

That’s my initial plan. I don’t want to set TOO many goals, because I tend to do that and then not accomplish much of anything.

The good news: I went to Victoria’s Secret and bought a fabulous bra, fabulous enough to make up for the bra I recently lost.

The bad news: I went up a size since last year, and we’re not talking cup size. :( Another reason why I will be exercising from now on.

In other news: I am taking a Chinese calligraphy class, which I just started today. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. I’ve tried to get into this class for two years, and I’m finally taking it! I guess you could say it’s been a dream of mine. I’ll let you know how it goes.

And that’s all for now. Have a good weekend!