injustices

A while back I wrote a little about my dad getting fired, but there have been several updates to the story and many further insults to my dad and family. The latest occurrence is that they assigned my dad a teaching schedule that includes only classes he has never taught before. This means he must significantly prepare for each class period instead of using materials he had built up through the years. Why are they doing this? So that my dad gets frustrated and leaves the school.

Is my dad a bad teacher? No. He is a good teacher who has always been liked by students. Was he a bad coach? Definitely not. In my opinion he was one of the best the school has ever seen. And not just because of the winning seasons and state championships, although there were those. What my dad did was to instill teamwork and a sense of family. He was a friend, and he helped young kids build self-esteem. He truly cared about the students. In short, my dad’s many designations of Nevada 3A coach of the year have always been well deserved. I just read a small tribute to my dad found here (By a rival school no less). The story nearly brought tears to my eyes and angered me anew.

My dad is two years away from retirement and has been at MVHS for around 30 years, and this is how they repay him for everything he has done for Moapa Valley High. I believe the man who helped cause all this (he is also my mom's direct boss), along with the principal of the school deserve to be fired. In fact, I wish I were living in Moapa Valley right now, because you can believe I would be causing all kinds of problems for the school, including finding my father a lawyer and suing the school district's pants off.

I really would. There are several illegal things they have done during this whole debacle. When they fired my dad from his coaching position, they hired a new coach to take his place. However, the subject the new coach teaches (Social Studies, I believe) was already well taken care of by other teachers. How could they justify hiring another teacher of the same subject? Well, somehow they surplussed another teacher, which means she had to find a position elsewhere. Illegal. She hired a lawyer and is suing the district. Forcing my dad to have a crappy schedule just so he’ll quit? I did some research, and it basically falls under the category of age discrimination. Also illegal. Then there was the firing itself, which did not follow CCSD rules. I think he has a case.

I would love nothing more than seeing the responsible parties get fired from their positions, but I don’t see that happening. The teachers of MVHS signed a petition and sent it to the school district, in part because they support my dad but also because NO ONE is happy with the administration of the school, asking for a change in the administration. The county didn’t even respond.

The whole thing is just wrong. I want to see justice done. I want my dad to stop being slapped in the face and get the recognition he deserves.

totally embarrassing story alert

I love the library. I love self-help books. I love self-help books about relationships even more. I can’t help myself--I always have and probably always will. (Sometimes my husband puts up with reading a relationship book together, sometimes not. I think he’s a saint for doing it at all.)

So yesterday at the library I picked out three different relationship books. At 8:55 I ran to the front of the library so that I could use the automated checkout before it shut down at 9pm, because I didn’t really want the librarians to see my picks. I may love self-help relationship books, but I do understand that they are cheesy if not overtly embarrassing.

The automated checkout was already off, so I got in line at the circulation desk. Of course, the guy who helped me is a member of my church and knows me. I think he even said, “Hi, Sister Ronk.”

Oh my. I was bright red as he checked my books out to me. One title, ‘16 Ways to Love your Lover’, is NOT what the title sounds like! At all! It’s really a book about the Myers-Briggs personality types and how that fits into relationships. Slightly boring--NOT racy like the title suggests! Another book had a picture of a silhouetted couple on the cover, their faces close together, moving in for a kiss. Again, makes the book look much racier than it actually is.

As soon as he handed me the books, I speed-walked it out of there, red-faced and totally humiliated. I will never be able to look him in the face again.

terrible twos

My niece Sare has gotten a little jealous since her brother was born. Wait, did I say a little jealous? (Not to mention that she just turned two and has been acting rather naughty for the past few months anyway.)

We were at my sister and brother-in-law's house on Sunday, and the following exchanges happened.

First the background information. Every time we say goodbye to Sare on the phone, we say "Love you sweetie" and she repeats it back. Hers sounds more like "Uh you fweetie."

I was holding Isaac and Sare was standing nearby.

Me: (to Isaac) Love you sweetie.
Sare: (pointing to herself) I fweetie!

Sare raised her hand to hit me.

Me: We don't hit.
Sare: I want to hit.

Sare later started biting my leg.

Me: No. We don't bite.
Sare: I want to bite!

peer pressure

Has anyone else noticed that while there is strong pressure in our society to look good (a la fashion magazines, etc.), there is also nearly equal pressure to eat whatever we want to (and by "whatever we want to", I mean unhealthy, fat filled foods)?

I have noticed, during my challenge to eat less sugar and processed foods, that there is immense pressure for me to eat poorly. At work, people say, "Come on, Holli! You know you need a treat!" "This chocolate will make you feel better!" If I didn't know any better, I would think I dropped into a drug treatment center where peer pressure was rampant.

People don't want to respect my desire to improve my health. I don't get it. If I said I don't eat chocolate for religious reasons, they'd back off. If I didn't eat chocolate because was allergic, they'd feel sorry for me. But if I say I don't eat chocolate anymore for my health...they feel more than free to sabotage my health.

Wrong? Ironic? Yes! But that's the way America is. And that's why 2 out of 3 of us are overweight.

not in need of metamucil

I made the most delicious lentil soup yesterday. So yummy. So healthy. But guess what, folks? The soup had 22 grams of fiber per serving!

Holy bathroom break, Batman!

i *will* do what i dream! (name the movie)

I applied for a job today. I feel like patting myself on the back. Instead, I'm posting my self-congratulations online.

help me!

Job searching is hard. That's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. But I'll tell you why I get discouraged.

1. The area I have education in -library science- I don't seem to have enough experience, and there aren't enough library jobs to go around. So I get interviews, but the jobs go to someone who already has experience. Or, let's face it, maybe I don't interview well. I don't know. But I'm not getting anywhere in the library science field.

2. The area I want to move toward -health and wellness- seems to only have jobs for people who ALREADY HAVE EXPERIENCE. Well, how do I get the experience?!! Let me guess. Take a job that pays $8 an hour in order to provide me the experience. Can't do it.

So...what do I do? I can't really take much of a pay cut. I really can't right now. But at the same time, I REALLY can't take this job anymore, either.

Suggestions, anyone?

post fourth randomness

I love days like today -- overcast, with steady, drizzling rain. Beautiful. Today is going okay, but my coworker/boss is driving me crazy. I've now scheduled in time every week to job search, because I'm getting out of here. And not just library jobs, because obviously those aren't happening. But I don't care how I get out of here, I'm getting out.

I've been much happier the past few days. Is it because the withdrawals are over?!! Is it that I don't eat sugar anymore? Is it because I exercise 5x a week? Is it because I feel in control of my life, knowing there are goals to be reached and I have plans for reaching them? Don't know. But I'm thankful.

Guess what? I am now up to 'Standard' in DDR! Only while in workout mode. If it were game mode, I'd be boo'ed off the dance pad and it would be game over. But I like Standard a lot, plus I think it gives me a better workout. Even if I can't seem to hit all the arrows. Not that anyone other than a fellow DDR freak would even care about this paragraph. Ha!

I went to Sunflower Market the other day, and I love it! The prices are much cheaper than I thought they would be, and such good and healthy food there! I was in heaven. I can't believe I haven't been shopping there all along.

Have I mentioned lately what a great husband I have? He's the best. He does DDR with me every day, he listens to me, he likes my family, he humors me when I get obsessed with something (like I said, right now it's Andrew Weil, but it changes periodically), and he's an amazing kisser. I couldn't be luckier.

a good day

Happy things:

1. My nephew is finally home from the hospital. He had a bad case of jaundice, which apparently is dangerous. I had no idea.

2. I'm going to buy a yogurt maker. $17 on amazon.com! Then we're going to eat healthy yogurt recipes all the time. Yum.

3. I don't know if this is "happy", but it's on my list of stuff. I found a new obsession: Dr. Andrew Weil. No, I'm not obsessed with an old bearded man (that would be a tad too weird), just his ideas. I'm very into health and wellness, and he is very informative. I wish he could be my dr. I'm done with mine.

4. I finally figured out a website I could make that might be of some use to humankind. We'll see...

sometimes it's best not to blog

I drove over Mill Avenue Bridge this evening near sunset. I couldn't see clouds but I could tell they were coming, and the choppy water of Tempe Town Lake reflected the dimming light. I realized that I wanted to cry, and I felt scared that I'll always feel this way.

My evening went downhill from there, and I think I'll just go to bed now.

Goodnight, and good luck.

i like to eat cold cereal

The husband is surely tired of hearing me say this (because I say it a lot), but I love cold cereal. Why? Because. Cold cereal is simultaneously a meal, a beverage, and dessert. And all it requires is that you add milk. Simple. Easy. Delicious.

office space

My favorite item of clothing a coworker has worn – the vest with appliquéd patriotic stuff sewn on. Come on ladies, a vest? Although I enjoy the puff painted Christmas t-shirts as well…so maybe it’s a tossup.

Also, I’m going to file this one as one of life’s mysteries, but how come my coworker with diabetes eats more cake, candy, and sugar than I do? (And I’m not exactly your model citizen when it comes to sugar…)

That same coworker with diabetes is also remarkably dedicated to her job. One day she packed it up an hour early and said, “You ready to go home?” When we pointed out that she was off by an hour, she said, “Oh good! An extra hour to get work done!” and raced back into her office. (This wasn’t said sarcastically, I promise you.) I doubt I need to point out that this is NOT the reaction I would have had. I believe swearing would possibly be featured in my reaction.

I work in a cubible, or ‘cubie’ as a coworker puts it. Have I ever mentioned that? Before we moved to the building we’re in, I had an office. Or should I say broom closet? Everyone was excited for me that I would be rescued from my tiny little broom closet and become one of the masses in a cubicle. It may have been abysmally small, but it was MY broom closet. It had privacy. I miss it.

I don’t know what came over us, but John and I had a fight one time over the phone, while I was at work, sitting in my cubicle where every word you speak is heard loud and clear. I believe I was crying. What the bleep?

Working in an office is weird. It's no wonder that this concept made its way into a TV show. Though why anybody who works in an office would want to spend time after work hours watching a show like that, I'll never know.

my anger issues

I don’t know why I’m so blasted annoyed by what is currently annoying me.

I got roped into participating in a musical farewell performance for my boss, who is leaving ASU to be UNR’s president. Fine. But most of the people singing can’t stay on key. Especially the people who are musical performers and think they’re really good at singing.

I know I’m not the best singer, and I know that I don’t always sing on key, but the difference is, I know EXACTLY when I’m not singing on key. They don’t.

So we were practicing this song and everybody got flat. Flat enough that suddenly I was singing the song one note higher than everybody else. And everyone thinks it’s me who got off key. And I’m just annoyed because there’s nothing I hate worse than listening to a performance where the singers change key.

That’s what will happen to us on Monday when we perform for our boss and the whole office. Why do I care? Why am I getting so mad I can almost feel steam coming out my ears?

I don’t know really know…

this too shall pass

K, since you asked about withdrawals, I’ll give you an update. I took my last dose of the evil medicine on Saturday. Keep in mind that the dose was 10 times smaller than the smallest dose they sell (I opened the pill up and took out all but 3 milligrams). Yet it is Wednesday and I am still feeling withdrawal symptoms.

It’s not as bad as it was before, but it's no picnic, either. The only times I don’t feel my symptoms are when I’m exercising (hence, I walk around a lot at work and do DDR as much as I can at home) and stretching my muscles (also a lot of stretching happening at my desk). Oh, and massages and the chiropractor help too, but as I don’t have a full-time masseuse living at my house (John, can you get right on that?), those things happen less frequently.

I’m hoping that by this weekend all traces of the withdrawal will be gone forever. Yay.

everything changes

Something happened this weekend and I want to write about it because it was profound and important to me, but doing so would profane the sacred; so I won't.

I just feel that nothing in life will ever be the same after that experience. I'm not the same.

stop the insanity

Do you ever want to tell someone about a funny story you heard, and then you realize it was something you read on somebody's blog, and you don't even know the person? That's when you know you need to get a life.

so happy together

So my husband got me an iPod. How good to me is he?!

It makes me so happy to have music with me whenever I want it. I was listening to music and walking around campus yesterday, and it felt strange, as though I had a life soundtrack following me around. Wouldn't that be cool?

But it's making me rethink a few things. I used to think that I would never want to own music without also physically owning a CD with album art and stuff. Now? I think it's just wasteful and cumbersome to have such a large collection of CDs sitting around.

Also, I just don't think I need to collect hundreds of books anymore. I love books. But I no longer feel the need to own them. Which is a good thing, because I don't want to haul around millions of boxes of books for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I'm one small step away from falling asleep at my desk right now. If I could go home, I would. The good news is, I'm not working tomorrow!!

So happy Friday. And have a great weekend.

obsessions and late nights

We watched the final episode of Season 1 of LOST yesterday. I am now DYING for some answers...I don't know what Season 2 is like, but if it's anything like the first one, they could drag this story on forever, just giving hints and bits and pieces of what's really going on.

Well, now we have to figure out how to watch Season 2...

I'm officially obsessed. Completely. It rivals DDR for my one-track mind.

richie rich

So John and I are brainstorming the start of a company of sorts. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. It’s nothing big yet. Right now it’s mostly something fun to think about and plan.

I guess it’s time to tell you about the obsession I had as a kid. I wanted to be rich. And not just rich, but rich because of something I invented or did or sold. So my sister and I became entrepreneurs. We dreamed up all kinds of ways to get rich. One time we collected rocks and glued them onto yarn to make jewelry. We arranged them on a table in our front yard and waited for the customers to line up. Nobody did. Another time we picked yellow wildflowers (weeds, actually) that had the most beautiful scent, and put them up for sale. Nobody bought those, either.

The closest we came to riches was when we came up with a brilliant scheme: sell mud balls. So we broke out the hose, rolled some mud into balls and set them in the sun to dry. We put them up for sale for a nickel each. What a bargain! We talked up my sister’s best friend when she came over to play and convinced her that she definitely needed a mud ball. The sale was nearly final when the friend’s mom showed up and nixed any mud balls coming to her house. That was the end of our entrepreneurial days.

We never sold anything. And what I wonder is this – why didn’t my parents take pity on us and buy something?!! Oh well. But the point I’m trying to make with this story is that I never fully lost my dream of coming up with something brilliant and getting rich. So it’s exciting to have perhaps stumbled across a good idea…

I’m still brainstorming for more ideas, too. I know there’s a website that hasn’t yet been created but needs to be. I’d like to create such a website. And I want it to be a website that helps other people. I know I’ll come up with it someday.

censorship

Here’s my rant of the week. I get so annoyed by people who think they know all about censorship. The following is an account of one of my coworkers, so I really can’t verify the truthfulness of it, but I’ll respond to her story as if it is all correct.

My coworker went to Deseret Industries (a thrift store run by the LDS church) this weekend. She said she was surprised to find the bookshelves nearly empty, so she asked someone about it.

She said that the store manager told her that many of the books contained inappropriate content, and they weren’t going to sell them.

My coworker then asked if they were taking the books out back to burn them. (I’ll pause here and say that my coworker knows I am LDS, so I wonder why she would say such insulting things about my church to my face.)

She said that the manager simply responded that the books were inappropriate and wouldn’t be sold.

Her response to me? “What’s next? Are they going refuse to sell clothing that’s a little ‘provocative’?!!!”

Well, knowing the standards of my church, YES! That’s exactly the kind of thing they won’t sell. And you know what? They have every right to choose what they sell in their store, because it’s a private company. They aren’t the library. Their objective isn’t to provide unbiased information and knowledge to the world. I’m not the expert on D.I., but I would say their objective is to provide training to help employees find steady, long-term employment while at the same time providing clean, low-priced items to those in need.

D.I. and any other store has the right to sell or not sell anything they please. It gets on my nerves when people get up in arms about censorship in a situation like this. It makes no sense. If you don’t like what a store is selling (or not selling), don’t shop there! Go buy your trashy novels elsewhere and don’t expect a church run store to sell stuff it considers inappropriate. It isn’t obligated to.

Okay. I'm done now. Thanks for listening.

random friday thoughts

Anyone else getting tired of blogger being down?

And also, will my favorites please update?! I've got to have something to read...

And, Blockbuster is an evil place, and when I signed up with them, the only thing they didn't ask for was a DNA sample. I kept waiting for them to ask, though. It was a neccessary evil, however. How else are we going to get our episodes of LOST?!!! I am soooo into this show. Can't wait to go home tonight and watch another episode.

First though, we have to babysit my niece. My sister has been going crazy with how naughty she's been acting (she's 2), so I volunteered to let my niece stay over for the night so my sister and husband can go out and do something for just the two of them.

I'm pretty excited because do you know where I'll be in 10 minutes? At Phoenicia cafe with my husband eating hummus. Yum.

dream on

You wanna know the hideous dream I had last night?

I dreamed that I had a rag and was meticulously scrubbing tiny stains off a white wall. I'm talking miniscule stains all over the wall. And in my dream I cleaned off every single one. In real time with full details. Boring! And talk about feeling tired when I woke up!

random thoughts from a temporary junkie

Still feeling like the world caved in on my head, in case anyone wondered. Withdrawal not over yet. I'm resisting the urge to reach into my purse for another fix...

I stubbed one of my toes so hard on Sunday, and I yelled so loud that I think John thought imminent destruction was upon me. Luckily, the only destruction was my toe, and it is now purple. The worst part is it forced me to do DDR in beginner mode.

The good news is, beginner mode is no longer a good workout for me. I am getting in shape! Yes!

My DDR obsession being temporarily obstructed, John and I have found a new obsession to keep us occupied: Lost. Yes, I know, that was so two years ago. But guess what? It's really good...so good that we say we'll watch just one episode in an evening and we end up watching three or four.

An episode we watched last night featured a junkie coming down from his drugs. Oh did I ever relate. Sadly. (And in case you don't know, I'm not a drug addict. I was simply given a terrible medication by my doctor, requiring me to suffer for weeks on end as I cease taking it anymore. Okay, that's out of the way. I didn't want you to come away from this entry thinking that I am an addict. If I were an addict, then I'd probably deserve to feel like this. Instead, I am devising ways that I can make the executives of the pharmaceutical company feel like this. They're the evil ones who marketed this 'safe' medication and deserve to suffer in horrible ways for it. Grrrrr. That was a growl. And this is the longest parenthetical reference ever.)

I am not a TV watcher, I swear, but Lost has convinced me that there's actually good TV out there. Unlike The Apprentice, which I sort of watched last night. I still don't understand why I got hooked to that, but now it's over! I don't have to watch anymore!!!

And with that, I'm out of here. I've rambled enough.

on and on the rain will fall, like tears from a star

I am seeking, I am striving, I am in with all my heart. –Vincent van Gogh


The past couple of days I have been basically going through withdrawal. I don’t care what the pharmaceutical companies say, that’s what it is. I am discontinuing the use of one of my medications, and it has been hell trying to come off of it.

I have major vertigo. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling as though a metal rod had been shoved through my brain. I am very sick to my stomach. I want to lie down in bed all day, but instead I’m at work trying to appear normal.

The worst of all is the emotional symptoms. Not good. Not good at all. I am extremely fragile right now. That’s all I’ll say about that.

The good news is that I’m starting to see what my goals in life should be. I feel like a caterpillar making a cocoon. My goals are in their infancy stage, and I’m wrapping myself up in them, letting them ruminate a while as I hibernate. Then, sometime later I will emerge as a beautiful creature with a life path.

That’s how I feel, anyway. I don’t have all the answers, but I feel ideas forming in the back of my brain.

I’m probably not making sense to anyone but me. Or, more likely, no one reads this blog anyway, so it doesn’t make a difference.

--H

How fragile we are; how fragile we are.

beating a horse

I have a theory that newscasters cannot go one day without mentioning New Orleans/Katrina at least once. Seriously. Have you watched the news when they didn't mention it?

I counted today, and there were five separate mentions. In one news program.

America doesn't care about anything for more than five minutes. Why, then, are they beating us over the head with it? Almost a year after the fact?

whiskey in the jar

I feel better today, thanks. That's because I have a wonderful husband who listened to everything I needed to get out of my system, including a good cry. And he gives good hugs.

So I'm doing better. Except I'm soooo tired. John and I hung out with a few of his former professors last night at 'Pub Quiz,' which is basically a bunch of people eating and drinking (drinking lots!) at an Irish restaurant while answering trivia questions and trying to win the grand prize.

J and I participated in the quiz aspect, not the pub. It was great fun, even though I didn't contribute much. (I swear, my brain is nearly useless. LOTS of information goes in, but not so much comes out. As a one-time humanities major, my brain is FULL of trivial knowledge. Can I pull any of it out when I need it? No. I guess my dream of being on Jeopardy! is never going to be realized.)

Our team won the grand prize! And we got home late and fell into bed. I had a nightmarish dream involving Paul Reubens trying to molest me while I tried to escape from him (yikes, where did I come up with THAT?!!). That combination caused me to wake up fully exhausted; not rested at all.

blue to the bone

So I dropped the two classes I was going to take this summer -- fitness and nutrition. It wasn't the right time, and I don't feel like doing homework at the moment. Nor do I feel like paying $100 for one textbook.

Good riddance. Now I can focus my attention on...what? I always come back to this. I like to read books. I like to watch movies. I like to exercise. I like to eat. I'm working toward getting fit and losing the weight I gained this past year. Because of that I am loving exercise more than I ever thought possible. But after that, then what? I don't really have any goals. I go home at night and I play on the Internet because I can't think of anything better to do.

This entry is quickly turning into a sad one, and I didn't mean for that to happen. I just feel so lost right now. I feel like I'm missing out on something important.

this has been a good week

I have a SparkPeople update. I weighed in on Friday, and I've lost another pound and a half! Which is good, because I was getting quite frustrated about the scale not budging for me. But I’ve been eating better and exercising more, and it’s starting to show. Yay me!

Someone else I know and love also lost a few pounds, but I won’t post his info unless he clears me to!

And guess what else? John dyed my hair! I dyed his black, he dyed mine red. It was quite the party. Except when I sat down and the chair leg was on top of John’s foot. Ow. Not so fun. But he did a good job on my hair.

And I don’t know how or why it happened, but I am addicted to The Apprentice. There’s nothing I can do about it now except watch this thing through to the bitter end. Then I need to shun the tv, because I just get addicted to dumb shows when I watch.

I had a really good weekend, by the way. We hung out with friends on Friday, and as friends seem to be in short supply these days, we enjoy the ones we have. Then on Saturday my whole family came to visit, and we went swimming, toured the Mystery Castle, ate at the TGIFriday’s overlooking Chase Field, and held a Murder Mystery party. Oh, AND we played DDR until we collapsed. Good, good times.

Also, because we had family coming, our house is so clean! I love it. It feels so good to be in a clean house.

So life is good. And getting better every day.

Join the revolution!

We did something I never saw myself agreeing to – we bought a Playstation2 on Monday. Why did I agree to this? I hate video games, I hate the killing games they make, I hate how my brother spent most of his childhood in front of a computer screen.

But, I LOVE Dance Dance Revolution!!! John and I have been contemplating the purchase of a treadmill for exercise. But a treadmill is very expensive and very large. So…I came up with the idea of buying DDR for our exercise. Two days later, (on Monday of this week) we came home from BestBuy with all the materials needed.

I was (and still am) so excited! It's the most brilliant invention ever. And we’ve been playing it faithfully ever since we bought it. I don’t have much coordination, so DDR is pretty challenging for me, but it’s so fun! I never thought I would enjoy exercise this much. Here's to losing weight while having loads of fun.

Anyway, if you know us in real life, come over and play with us! Consider yourself invited.

K is for...

S'mee gave me this lovely assignment, which is to share 10 things that are important to me that start with the letter 'K.'

If you'd like to play too, leave me a comment and I'll assign you a letter. In your blog you'll write 10 things that start with that letter that are important to you and explain why. Easy!

Here goes mine:

Keepsakes – I’m very bad at printing photographs and displaying them, but because of recent events where our hard drive was destroyed along with many photos, I’m going to change my ways!

Kissing – Well, who doesn’t like kissing? But I like it even more. :) Good thing John is such a good kisser. Hee!

Kin – What can I say? My family is my life.

Kids – I’ve always felt a special bond with kids. We just relate. I love holding babies, playing with kids, reading to them, and generally hanging out.

Kittens – There’s not much cuter than a baby kitty. Or a baby anything.

Kites – Kites are fun to fly. It’s also fun to be at the park on a perfect, sunny day with someone you love. Kite is optional.

Kindness – I would like to be as kind and loving as most people believe I am. I don't think kindness can ever be overemphasized.

Knowledge – I love learning new things. I love school so much I’m still going! I always joked to my mom that I would be a professional student. I guess I wasn’t really joking.

Kicks – I’m known for saying “I’ll kick him in the head (or other body part best not named)” when I’m mad at someone. So three cheers for kicks!

Knitting – After trying to learn to knit for a year in Bulgaria, I realize that it’s much easier to learn in English. I finally know how. Of course, I actually like crocheting more, but that doesn’t begin with ‘K’, does it?

i think i'm right

This was in the Ariozona Republic on April 8th, and it makes me mad:

Biodesign chief sets challenges

As a drug-company executive for 17 years, George Poste knew the perils of slumping sales: less money for research, slower growth and possible layoffs. Now, as head of the Biodesign Institute at Arizona State University, Poste wants his staff to face the same consequences. Under him, each researcher must generate $225 in federal or private grants for each square foot of space he or she occupies or lose lab space and maybe points in a performance review. It's not the typical accountability measure in academe, but Poste makes no apologies.

"That is tragically the Darwinian model," Poste said. Those who can't compete shouldn't be carried by other researchers or the university, he said. "(Otherwise) it's a form of academic welfare. Dispense with it."

So basically, if your research makes lots of money, you’re good, but if it doesn’t, you’re gone. This is exactly the type of corporate crap that I think will be the downfall of universities. Researching everything (even the non-money makers) is important, but I think it’s even more important in the medical field.

What this means is that potentially important medical discoveries may never be made because they aren’t going to make millions of dollars for the university.

This is good for ASU’s budget. Not so very good for humanity.

this post is dedicated to the one i love

My husband graduates with his MPA today, and I'm so proud of him. I just had to post and say congrats to him! He won the award for best scholar-citizen in Public Affairs, AND he's at the top of his class GPA-wise. Not only do I think he's extraordinary, but so do all the professors in the School of Public Affairs.

I married one brilliant, accomplished, scholarly man! Which makes me smart as well for marrying him. :)

Yay John-John! Congratulations on your amazing achievements so far. This is just one small stepping stone toward many, many more amazing and wonderful things. Know that I couldn't be prouder of you, your accomplishments, or who you are.

love,
HJ

hallelujah

We have air conditioning again; finally! No more hanging out at the mall for us. We can sit around in our own living room on a Friday evening and not lose five pounds of sweat.

Thanks to my husband's latest post, I am now craving Mexican food in a big way. As John knows, though, it doesn't take much to get me craving Mexican food. But it's Cinco de Mayo, so there's no way you're going to find me in a Mexican restuarant tonight...too bad.

Have a lovely weekend, all.

evil empire strikes back

You are not going to believe this. I can hardly belive it myself. We went to Wal-Mart two days in A ROW this week! I'd offer excuses, but...the truth is, we're guilty. We patronized Wal-Mart twice in one week. Feel free to throw stones (if you are without sin yourself!).

i feel good

The other day my husband told me I have good shoulders. No one has ever told me that before.

And I'm not sure why, but the compliment has really stuck with me. It makes me happy every time I think of it. I'm smiling right now, as a matter of fact.

more down than up

Today is somewhat of a down day.

Maybe it's because we came back from my parents' house yesterday after spending time with all the siblings at my sister's wedding. I love and miss my family. I wish we all lived closer to each other.

Maybe it's because I feel (again; this happens periodically) that I have no purpose in life. The things I think about on a daily basis: exercising, eating healthy, what I'm going to make for dinner, what part of the house I'm going to clean, building my relationship with my husband, improving my spirituality, making new friends and building the friendships I already have.

That's a pretty good list of what I think about during any given day. But you know what? It's boring! Where are the grand plans for changing the world or at least making a difference in the world? Where, in the midst of cleaning house, making dinner, and exercising, is ME?

Am I making any sense? My life is a checklist, and sometimes I'm pretty good at getting all the checks done in one day, but it doesn't really fulfill me in the long term. What the heck am I looking for? Why am I not content?

Sorry. Just venting. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

you're fired!

I had a dream last night that I was on The Apprenctice, only it wasn't Donald Trump on the show, it was ASU President . We were all competing as we worked on the 'task' in order to win favor with him.

All I know is, I was terrified of him! He notices every detail, every little flaw. He expects nothing less than perfection. (I should know; in a round about way, I work for him.) I just find it funny that subconsciously I put our president in the position of Donald Trump. (I can see him saying to me, "You're fired!") I think that image would only be funny to someone who currently goes to ASU.

I'm sure he won't read my blog and find out what his employee is saying about him. Why would he? Though he seems to have time for EVERYTHING under the sun including googling himself on the internet, he surely wouldn't care what people think of him. Andf he does care, he has to know already that people are intimidated by him.

(If you're reading this, please don't fire me.)

new career path

A while back my career goal was to become a librarian. In fact, I even went to the trouble to get a master's degree in library science. But that was before a year's worth of rejection from all the library jobs I applied to. (With the exception of one offer, which I rejected. So I guess it wasn't unilateral rejection.)

But anyway, lately I've been rethinking my career choice. The appeal of being a librarian grows dimmer and dimmer as I see cities slash library budgets right and left. The "shushing" librarian stereotype is alive and well. And libraries, instead of being at the forefront of knowledge and the heart of the community (as I believe they should be), are being rendered obsolete by Borders bookstore and the world wide web.

I can see the writing on the wall. Do I think libraries will ever dissapear permanently? No. But I do think they need a major overhaul to make them more relevant in this day and age. Some libraries are doing a pretty good job of that, but so many of them are as traditional as ever.

Where does this leave me? So far, without a job that I can wake up every day and be excited about. The last few days I've done some serious soul searching. What do I really want to do with my life?

You know what I came up with? Please do not laugh, because I'm serious. Personal trainer. I had actually thought about this career in the past, but it was more of a fleeting thought that didn't last long because I didn't think I could do it, especially because I really didn't have any experience in it. But in the last few weeks as I've been doing SparkPeople, I've learned a few things. 1. With motivation and desire, I can accomplish a whole lot. 2. I love exercise. 3. I love getting other people excited about exercise and eating right.

Maybe that's not much of a reason to embark on a brand new career path. I'm not sure yet. But I'm serious enough about it that I enrolled in two ASU courses this summer -- a nutrition course and an exercise science course. I just want to get a feel for what I might be getting into if my life veered off in this new direction. Oh, plus I'm taking a bellydancing class and a yoga/pilates class. Fun? Absolutely.

The best thing of all is that John supports me in this 100%. He always does. He doesn't laugh at my random career plans or complain about the fact that I might have to get yet another degree. (Maybe that's because I support him 100% in his desire to get yet another degree. But his will be a PhD while mine would most likely be a BS or at the most an MS degree.)

But right now this is all a what if. I don't know for sure WHAT I'm going to be doing in the next while. But I do know that I can't continue working at my current job without at least a goal and a plan for getting there. I feel that even if becoming a personal trainer isn't in the stars for me, at least I'm exploring and trying new things, and I know I'll stumble across the right career for me. Maybe I already have. It's worth exploring.

--H

think about it

The Karate Kid. Has a better movie ever been made? I dare you to think of one.

deathly sick but getting better

I went to the Dr. on monday and found out what is wrong with me -- I have pneumonia. Yikes. And, I gave it to my husband. :( So while I'm finally on the upswing and getting better, my husband is coughing and wheezing at home.

The worst of it was when we were in Nevada this weekend with my family. John started showing symptoms on Friday, and we slept most of the weekend instead of doing much with the family. :( Then on Sunday, when we were supposed to drive back to AZ, neither of us could do it. So I called in sick on Monday and we drove back then. We still felt crappy, but somehow John managed to get us back home.

Now I'm feeling a little better. I went on a 15 minute walk today and felt pretty okay afterward. By next week I should be back to my normal self.

Oh, and for anyone wondering, I didn't get the library job. I'm feeling pretty discouraged about that, so that's pretty much all I'm going to say about it at this point.

i'm sort of alive

I'm alive, but only barely. I got sick again. Yes, again.

Coughing, high fever, achy, sleepy. This time I went to my doctor and asked for blood tests to be done to figure out what's going on. I mean, first I get bronchitis, then the fake strep throat thing, then the rash, and now this.
I usually have a healthy immune system, getting sick maybe once a year. But this is three times in little over a month. Something is definitely going on here.

To top it all off, I still don't have a handle on my depression. Maybe the sickness is making it worse, or maybe the depression is lowering the defeneses of my immune system. Either way, I'm tired of being sick, and I'm tired of being sad.

In other news, we already got part of our tax return back -- and the tax deadline hasn't even happened yet! What?!!! What's going on here? Usually I'm in the line of cars trying to drop off my tax envelope at the Post Office before midnight hits on tax day. But, thanks to my husband, he did it all for us over a week ago. Yay!

This weekend we're off to Nevada to see my sister go through the temple for the first time and then have her bridal shower. Two weeks later we'll be going back for her wedding. Then all of us will be married but the youngest, who turns 17 today!

Okay, time to go sleep off some of this sickness.

Happy Easter everyone.

striped lobster

I’ll bet you are dying to know how the tanning salon went, aren’t you?

Well, imagine the whitest, ghostly person you can think of, and that’s me. I entered the tanning salon and found myself amongst bronze beauties. Boy did I feel out of place! The tan girl in front of me was assigned to a tanning bed for 12 minutes. The very tan attendant (whose ample bosoms, not adequately covered, were also very bronze) took one look at me and set the timer for 5 minutes.

It was weird. I felt entombed with a death ray that was slowly adding years to my skin. But that’s just me being overdramatic. I’ve always been opposed to tanning, especially tanning beds. My reasons are pretty shallow – I don’t ever want my skin to look leathery and old. It was news to me that tanning is used for medical purposes!

Anyway, after two sessions at 5 minutes, they felt I had moved up in the world and could handle 6 minutes. No problem, right? Ha! Let’s just say that certain parts of my body that never see the light of day are now bright red. I’m a lobster; actually, a striped lobster! The tanning light bulbs gave me a nice stripe on my…rear.

i'm off to the tanning bed!

I went to the doctor today because I had these weird red splotches all over my stomach. She says they were caused by the antibiotics I was taking for my strep throat. But guess what the remedy is? Sunlight. I have to expose the rash to sunlight. What the heck? Have you ever heard of that?

But she showed me the picture in a book, and the guy in the picture had a stomach that looked an awfully lot like mine. And I read in the book that the cure is sunlight. So now…I’m going to go to a tanning salon for the first time in my life. (I don’t really want to expose my stomach to the light of day…yet.)

Guess what, though? While at the doctor’s office I weighed in, and I’ve lost two more pounds! I've been eating healthy as well as exercising five times a week, and it's paying off. My praise of SparkPeople grows and grows. I’m so very proud of myself and I feel so much better. Yay for me.

what if i found my dream job?

Advil has become my new best friend. When I was sick (about 5 days) I took an Advil every 5 hours or so to keep my temperature down. Now that’s past, but a sinus headache has taken its place. So every time I lie down, a pain hits me in the eye. It’s like somebody is stabbing me in the eye with a pencil. So it’s either not lie down and get no sleep, or take an Advil at night. Then I wake up in the middle of the night after the medicine wears off with more stabbing pains…so I hit the Advil yet again. One of these days I won’t be taking a million pills a day, I hope. I’d tell you how many I’m taking right now, but you wouldn’t believe me—or you’d think I was dying of something. Surely.

Anyway, IN OTHER NEWS: I interviewed this morning for my perfect job. It couldn’t be more made for me, and I hope I conveyed that in the interview. The job would be as a children/youth librarian at the local public library. Totally me! I would work at the children’s reference desk, plan and carry out story time and other activities, create brochures & other promotional stuff. And not only that, the position would include creating and maintaining web pages. I would be in heaven doing this. The salary is pretty good, too.

I didn’t want to talk about it or post about it beforehand, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I still don’t. But I did my best at the interview, and that’s really all I can do. I came out of the interview feeling pretty good. The scary part of the interview? The first thing they made me do was pick a book and a finger puppet and do an impromptu story time in front of the three interviewers. Yikes! But I did okay…probably not the best story time they’ve ever seen, because I’ve never actually done one before, but okay.

Even if I don’t get this job I feel more hopeful now. I can and will find the right job for me. If I had my way it would have happened a long time ago, but I’ll accept what comes my way and be thankful when it does happen.

out sick yet again

My blog has been seriously neglected lately, but for good reason. I got sick again. Maybe it was strep throat, but maybe not. Whatever it was, it kicked my butt. I’m still trying to fight off a horrible cough, but at least I can go to work and exercise again.

That’s right, I said exercise! I have been doing at least 10 minutes or more of exercise every weekday (until I got sick). Now I’m back at it. This week I’m moving up to 20-30 minutes of exercise. I’m still going strong on SparkPeople. I got a few of my family members to do it with me, and we’ve created quite a team. We race each other for points, but mostly we encourage each other to make small healthy changes in our lifestyle. It’s great.

And you know what? I’ve lost two pounds so far. My clothing already looks less bad on me. I feel very empowered to accomplish this goal and many others.

At the same time, some of my goals are pretty tough to accomplish. So much so that I get discouraged sometimes. And sometimes I wish I weren’t so goal oriented; that I could live and enjoy and just be. But everything turns into a goal for me, and I get tired of my life being one long checklist. Sigh. I guess I’m a little down today. It happens. Thanks for listening.

found a spark

I came to a dramatic conclusion the other day. I'm tired of looking bad in my clothing, and I decided to do something about it. I've thought that a million times before, but this time I was serious.

So I joined SparkPeople. Ever heard of it? It's really the most awesome tool to come along for weight loss, exercise, healthy lifestyle, and goal setting. I love it. If you are thinking about losing weight, finding and sticking to lifestyle changes, or wanting to set up exercise into your schedule, join SparkPeople.
First off, it's free, and it offers awesome tools and helps for achieving your goals. I've only been a member for three days, but already I can tell a huge difference in my attitude and motivation. The guy who created this site truly wants to help people. His story is inspiring. I probably sound like an infomercial, but I can't help it. I'm inspired and I want to pass on the love!

Anyway, I am planning to lose 15 pounds in the next four months. It's not a lot of weight, but it's enough that I had to get serious in order to get into a healthy mindset. I'm making life changes and I am dang proud of myself for doing it.

I'll probably update on my progress from time to time.

Okay, I'm off to get ready to go to Tucson to celebrate my anniversary! Happy St. Patrick's day, and have a great weekend...

love lives here

Today marks the first day of our second year of marriage.

Our first anniversary was yesterday, and it was nice. It was Sunday, so we woke up late, went to church, and then ate a low-key meal and watched Back to the Beach together. Not exciting, I suppose. But it was nice to spend time together, knowing that we’ve been married a year, and that more great years are coming.

We didn’t have our frozen wedding cake to eat (it’s in my parents’ freezer, alas), so we took two Reese’s peanut butter cups, said cheers, and ate them up.

We’re also planning to go spend a night at a hotel on the 17th, which will be the day when we celebrate a little more; possibly going out of town, definitely lounging in a hotel and visiting museums and such.

But even if we don’t do that, yesterday was enough. I am blessed. I found my true love and I’ve had him for a year. Year two begins today.

tagged

Wow, S’mee tagged me for this fun little questionaire. Thanks!!!

Four Jobs I Have Had in My Life:

1) Recreation counselor – One of the funnest jobs I’ve ever had. I just played games and made crafts with kids. I became the Battleship and Connect Four champion.
2) Hostess at the coffee shop at the Virgin River Casino in Mesquite, NV – Oh my, how I hated that job and the black pants and pink shirt. And the evil waitresses. Let’s not forget the time I spilled an entire pitcher of water on my mother!
3) Server at Denny’s – Boy, was I moving up in the world! From hostess to server. Let’s just say that my boss was Ghengis Khan and never bought new food supplies until they were all gone and customers were complaining. What?!!!
4) Janitor/Custodian at the BYU – I had to get up at 4 in the morning for this job. I slept through many a class and got my worst grade ever during this time period.

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1) What about Bob? – This movie is a classic, but it doesn’t explain why my husband and I can watch it so many times.
2) Napoleon Dynamite – But my lips hurt real bad!
3) Parent Trap I-IV – My husband doesn’t share the love, but my sisters do!
4) Gidget – I love this movie.

Four Places I've Lived:

1) Overton, Nevada – For the first 18 years of my life.
2) Provo, Utah – The college years.
3) Sofia and Burgas, Bulgaria – LDS Mission.
4) Bejing, China – Taught English there for a short time after getting my degree and not having any direction whatsoever.

Four TV shows you love to watch:

I don’t love TV much, but…
1) Everwood – Before it got trashy, like everything does. Yeah, it’s on the WB, but it used to be good.
2) 24 – I’ve only watched this one once, if you can believe it. But I liked it.
3) The Biggest Loser – Saw this one a couple of times. Pretty good.
4) The Great Race – Watched it once. I’d watch it again.

Four Websites you visit daily:

Geez, I don’t have any interesting ones…hotmail, yahoo, people’s blogs…
1) asu.edu – Yeah, I have to.
2) Maybe I’m a nerd, but I go here a lot. I love the public libraries.
3) I don’t visit it daily, but it’s fun: readymademag.com
4) Used to visit but don’t anymore: ericdsnider.com

Four of My Favorite Foods:

1) Bread – There is no food I love more than good bread. I could eat it all day, every day.
2) Hummus – Though it seems to be the most gas causing substance known to humankind (TMI?), I love it.
3) Feta cheese – On salads, pizza, and bread; in my favorite Bulgarian food banitsa; feta cheese is worth its weight in gold.
4) Prosciutto and melon – Hey, it sounds weird, but my husband introduced me to it, and it’s good. Actually, I like any Italian food he makes.

Four Places I'd rather be right now:

1) Home in bed with my sweet husband. :)
2) In NV with the whole family.
3) In Europe with the husband, visiting Italy, Albania, and Bulgaria.
4) On a cruise (to anywhere but Alaska) with the husband.

Four folks to pass this on to:

1) Johnny, the husband.
2) TK, the friend.
3) penguinconqueso, another friend.
4) Eden, friend from way back.

Thanks! And have fun.

i want to feel like myself again

Okay, TK and kimbo! You are right—a week is too long to go without writing. Thanks for caring. :) The truth is, I was a zombie all last week. And that’s not much of an exaggeration.

I’m on new medications, and they are making me so tired that I can hardly function. One of the medications is for allergies, and sleepiness is one of the symptoms. So I finally stopped taking that. But guess what? The allergy symptoms came back full force, and surprisingly are EVEN WORSE than being tired all the time. So I went back on the medicine and made an appointment to see my doctor.

I just want to feel normal again. If that’s even possible. My husband says he doesn’t think I’ve been myself for at least nine months, and I don’t know that I can disagree…

A week goes by and it seems like my life changes completely. Here’s a random sampling of what’s been going on:

**It’s my husband’s 25th birthday!!! Go here to wish him a happy birthday.

**Remember the library job? Well, I got offered the position. The salary offered was pretty much what I’m making now (except without my new raise), and he wouldn’t budge on that. Still, I was all set to take the position but found out other things that made the offer much less acceptable.

1. I wouldn’t get benefits for three months. We are not currently in a position to be able to go without benefits. Remember the emergency room? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pay for that out of pocket.

2. I would be paying $150 more per month on insurance premiums. So my salary dropped even further.

3. I would only get 10 vacation days per year (I get 22 where I’m at now), and they wouldn’t start accruing for three months. Also, I would get no sick days—instead, I’d have to use vacation days if I got sick. (At ASU I get 12 sick days per year).

4. The guy who made the offer was just sketchy on too many things. I realized I would have no idea what I was getting into, and by the time I found out, it would be too late to do anything about it.

For these reasons and others, I declined the offer. I was a little sad, because I truly want to work in a library, but I don’t regret my decision. So I guess that means I made the right choice. It’s back to the job search for me.

**Some hard things are going on with my family right now. I guess you could say my dad got ‘fired’ from the best part of his job. He still has his job, but without the cool part. And the person who did the ‘firing’ is my mom’s direct boss. It hurts a lot to hear that my dad was sobbing after he got the news. The hardest thing is that there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s hard for me to see the people I love in pain. I’ve been praying a lot for them.

**I went to the doctor, and it seems like she really knows what she’s doing. They drew blood to check out my thyroid. We’ll see how things go with that.

**Something unbelievable—my coworker/supervisor apologized for her behavior on Friday. I wasn’t expecting that at all, but it was great of her to do it. Things are much less tense around here. Crazy.

stuff

1. I feel very bad about the following:

My coworker/supervisor (When I was hired, she was my direct supervisor. Now we're pretty much coworkers even though she still treats me as though she's my supervisor. When I get my raise and title change, I will consider her a coworker and act that way.) said something to me and a coworker that made us feel like we're being babysat.

Later, I was about to make the comment to her, "I wonder if I should tell coworker/supervisor that her comments make me feel like a peon." I didn't get the words out of my mouth because coworker/supervisor walked into the room. I snapped my mouth shut and felt like a jerk.

Especially when coworker/supervisor said, "Why do you guys always get quiet when I walk into a room?" (I don't know what she's referring to when she says 'always'.) "I'm not dumb. I know you do it." I had no comment. I just felt so stupid and ashamed, because though I don't always do it, in this instance she was dead on. I was talking about her. And I shouldn't have been.

My relationship with this woman was already strained. Now she thinks I'm sitting around talking about her all the time. Sigh. When the title change comes, I will just interact with her much less. Or when I get a new job. Whichever comes first.

2. I finally called a doctor today. Last night I was coughing and scratching my face so hard that I woke up out of a dead sleep. I thought I was having an allergic reaction of some kind. Maybe I was, and it was the last straw. I'm tired of sneezing all day long. I'm tired of itchy eyes, throat, nose, mouth, lips. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of depression. Sick and d*** tired of all these things. So I made the call. Of course, I probably won't get in to see a doctor for a few weeks, but at least I made the first move.

I still need to call my counselor and get an appointment, but I guess I'll focus on one thing at a time.

3. I like to make lists.

4. It is currently 3pm. I get to go home in two hours! tick tick tick tick....

blue is blue and so am i

I am at work about to have a breakdown. I can’t say it’s just one thing causing this. It’s more of a combination; a stress cocktail, if you will. I’m just to the point where I can’t take it anymore.

I can’t take one more night of doing nothing more than watching TV or movies when I get home from work. But the problem is that I have no energy or desire to do anything else. I do feel guilty about doing nothing else, though. Oh yes! A better person would keep in touch with their friends, keep their house clean, spend quality time with their spouse, do volunteer work somewhere – so say my thoughts. I don’t measure up to these standards at all. I don’t even try to.

Yes, depression is seriously hindering my ability to accomplish anything or feel good about anything. I feel like I’m wearing cement shoes. Any simple task feels like I’m being asked to climb a mountain. I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of feeling tired. I’m tired of feeling that my life is worthless.

I need help but I don’t know where to start. My counselor is good, but I’ve tapered off my visits. My doctor dispenses prescriptions like they’re candy, so I don’t want to get a prescription from her – she’d give one to a drug addict. I want real help and advice, not just her signature on a piece of paper. Not that I’m opposed to medication; I just want to make sure it’s is warranted before I go that route. Which means getting a new doctor, which means waiting weeks to get in to see her, which means that in the meantime, I suffer.

I guess I just needed to write this out so I don’t have an actual breakdown at work. I hope I can find a solution here so that I don’t feel this way anymore. Thanks for “listening.” Writing it out really does help.

"And if you carry me tonight
I would be strong enough to fight
And when you're weak and can't go on
I'd be the bed you lay upon"

i'm so lucky

Okay. I have to mention the amazing gift my husband gave me for my birthday. He has gone above and beyond what I ever expected for my birthday. I was simply amazed when I opened it.

A while before he gave the gift to me, he told me I was really going to like it. Then I found out he was keeping it at his mom's house, which made it seem like a large item. A piece of furntiure? I wondered, but couldn't figure it out.

Finally, on the day we got back from San Antonio, he gave me this:



Yes, my husband gave me a mandolin for my birthday!!! I could not have been more surprised or excited about a gift. John knows me so well! The interesting thing is, I had only mentioned in passing that someday I'd like to learn to play the mandolin. But that was enough for him to search around online for hours, finding a mandolin for me so that I could fulfill my dream!

I am still amazed that I have such a perceptive, sweet husband. He took the time to figure out what I like, spent a lot of time finding what I liked, and then purchased it for me. I ended up with a truly unique birthday present--a gift specifically for me. And that means so much to me.

I guess this is an entry where I get to be sappy and say that I found the perfect person for me. I have been blessed in so many ways since getting married...I can hardly count them. In six days we'll have been married eleven months, and while it's hard to believe so much time has passed, the saying is true that time flies when you're having fun. And we certainly are.

I know I'm not a perfect wife--I know it too well. But I have a husband who loves me anyway and lets me become something better. And I don't take this for granted. I definitely know I've got a good thing.

working for a living

So much stuff to blog about! It’s all starting to pile up. This week has been interesting; a lot has changed.

First, the job search. Right before my birthday I decided to take some action. A coworker had given me an ad for a library job at a small trade college. So I applied. An hour later, the guy called to ask if he could interview me. I was stunned—this had never happened to me before.

In fact, I was a little suspicious at first. When I asked what kind of library position it was and what I’d be doing (the ad didn’t say), the man said, “Oh, you know. The same stuff you do in any library.” Hmmm.

But I agreed to an interview, which I had on Monday. It soon became apparent why the man had no idea what I’d be doing in the library: he is the director of the school and probably doesn’t set foot in the library. Also, the college usually has two librarians on staff, but they have none currently. So the interview was odd, to say the least.

He asked maybe three questions about my qualifications as a librarian (One of them was actually, “You know the Dewey decimal system, right?" The Dewey decimal system is really the least of a librarian’s worries.), gave me a tour of the college, then said, “So, is this a place you want to work for?”

Actually, it is. The library is small. Small enough to have personal contact with each and every patron (the college has 400 students). Small enough that I would be involved in every aspect of librarianship: collections development, circulation, reference, budget, etc. I don’t know for sure whether I would enjoy working at this particular college, but it would definitely be a great thing to put on my resume.

Oh, and to make the position full-time (the library is only part-time), they would have me teach English 101 classes. This prospect is both exciting and scary. A few years ago I was in a teacher certification program to teach English, but I realized I don’t have what it takes to teach English to high schoolers. Do I have what it takes to teach it to college students? I don’t know. But at the same time, the challenge sounds interesting…

THEN, on Wednesday, my boss came to me and said, “I know you’re considering another job, but before you take it, talk to me first, because I’m working on a title change and a raise for you.” Wow. Later in the day she told me that it would be about a 10% raise. That combined with the raise that everyone gets in March (6%, I think) would be a pretty good salary change.

So I haven’t heard back from the library job yet. If I don’t get it, I’m at least getting a good raise at my current job. If I do get offered the other position, then I’ll have to do some thinking. Mostly because the interviewer never once told me what the salary would be. He said that he would discuss salary next time we talk, which is pretty annoying. Will the salary there be enough? The husband and I are trying to recover from a financially difficult year, and I don’t know if we’re at a point where I can take a pay cut.

But anyway, it’s nice to know that I’m valued at my current place of employment, even if it isn’t my ideal job. It’s also nice to know that there are people out there who would jump at the chance to interview me for a library job.

If nothing else, this week has boosted my confidence. My work is valued. I’ll be able to find the right job for me, I know it. And, the craziest thing of all is this: My annual salary after the raise will be more than double what it was when I started here five years ago. Ha!

puppy update

Go see a picture of our new puppy at my husband’s blog. Be sure to comment, too, because he’s sure no one reads his blog anymore.

As for the puppy update, she is definitely growing on us. What’s strange is that she doesn’t really make noise. Just slight whimpering when we leave her alone, but she quits when she realizes we’re not coming back. She is also very stubborn. If she doesn’t want to pee, she won’t, even if she’s been holding it all night long. Unless she’s on our carpet and then peeing is a perfectly suitable idea.

Last night we put a little doggie t-shirt on her that my coworker gave me. So cute. The more time goes by, the less inclined I am to take her back. How can you kick someone out of your house that you dressed in preemie clothes? You can’t, that’s what.

Anyway, I have so many things to blog about, including the incredible gift my husband gave me for my birthday and some potential big changes that are in the works for me. But I’ll save the news for another day when I’ve got time to write the details.

puppy love

Oh my. I am messed up!

First, I guess I should say that we got a puppy last night. But today I’m not feeling so good about it. Where to begin?

I guess I’ll start by saying that once you get married, people begin pressuring you and asking you when you’re going to have kids—this has been my experience, anyway. And now that nearly a year has gone by in our marriage, some people have even wondered whether our marriage is okay. (Marital trouble cited as the reason we aren’t having kids yet.) For the record, our marriage is more than okay. I have the best husband in the world.

However, there are specific reasons why I am not ready for children yet. I know what these reasons are, and my husband knows. That’s all that matters to me. No one else needs to be involved.

But what does this have to do with a puppy? Well, the same reasons I’m not ready for children are causing me to feel not ready for a dog, either. Every time I’m around the puppy, I feel happy and excited. She’s a doll. But when I am not in her presence, I have major second thoughts and feel dreadful.

The reason I am messed up is this: How come I didn’t know I wasn’t quite ready for a dog YESTERDAY before we got the dog? Could have been useful information. Because now I just don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I love this dog. My husband loves this dog. But every time I think about it logically, my senses tell me I shouldn’t keep this dog. Which should be a good enough answer—if I feel so weird about it, I probably am not ready for a dog.

At the same time, though, I often get buyer's remorse. I don't know for sure why, but I do. Sometimes I feel sad about a purchase even though it was the right thing at the right time. It's confusing.

The crappy thing is that we are getting quite emotionally attached to it. I know I’ll really be letting my husband down if I decide to take her back to the rescue. He loves her and doesn’t have any of the same hang-ups I do. However, he is being absolutely awesome about this. He hasn’t gotten upset even once about the fact that I’ve been pushing for a dog for months, and now when it finally happens I change my mind. He just tells me he wants me to be happy.

And I don’t feel deserving of that. It’s making me teary-eyed just thinking about how lucky I am to have a husband like that. I’m very confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but a decision must be made. I’m just glad my husband will support my decision no matter what it is. He’s the best.

medical emergencies

In one month I have seen enough doctor’s offices and emergency medical centers to last me a lifetime. John has been having several unexplained infections. Right after Christmas we spent a full day in an Urgent Care in Las Vegas. John had a sinus infection and swimmer’s ear, which, if you’ve ever had it, you know how painful it is! Right after that we both got sick. I think we caught colds from the runny-nosed kids at the Urgent Care.

The Sunday before last we ended up in Urgent Care again, this time in a nice Scottsdale location. (We were in and out in under an hour – such a change from our Nevada experience.) This time, John was diagnosed with several conditions and given more antibiotics.

Where were we the very next Sunday (i.e., yesterday)? In the emergency room. It was actually quite scary. John woke up and couldn’t breathe or swallow – his throat was closing up. I threw on some clothes and frantically drove him to the emergency room. It turns out that not breathing is a true emergency. We didn’t even have to wait in the waiting room for one second. He was ushered to the back immediately. (I’ve waited with friends in the ER for hours, so it was kind of scary to have it treated as an actual emergency, when so many other people with emergencies wait and wait.)

Well, it turns out John has yet ANOTHER infection, this time in his throat. He was instructed to throw away the antibiotics he was already taking, given a new antibiotic and some steroids to reduce the swelling. And we were sent on our merry way.

He’s doing okay now; the swelling is almost gone. But I am just worried. Why is his immune system doing so poorly? What is really going on? And how many more urgent cares/emergency rooms will we be visiting before we find out?

When I worry about his health it makes John feel guilty. He doesn’t want me to have to worry about him. But I do. Most of the time I am positive that we will be able to figure this thing out and get him healthy again. But there are moments when I fear. And times when I ask, Lord how long?

He’ll be okay. At least we have each other through this trial. And that, along with major praying, is the biggest comfort I have.

random conversation of the day

John: I guess I could get a Trinity t-shirt.
Me: Someday you're going to have too many t-shirts.
John: Yeah. And someday I'm going to be famous. And I'll auction my t-shirts on e-bay like William Shatner's kidney stone.

deep in the heart of texas

To the woman who looked breathtakingly gorgeous with perfect hair and makeup even after a two-hour flight to San Antonion: I hate you.

Here I am in San Antonio, enjoying every minute of my stay. Last night we went to dinner and then walked along the river. Beautiful. Maybe it's because I grew up in Nevada where all the buildings are either new, fake, or shabby (or often a combination of the three), but I truly appreciate the architecture here. The buildings are so rich in history and originality. I could see myself living in a place like this.

And this morning I slept in until just before the continental breakfast went away, took a bath, and read my new Lemony Snicket book. I'm just lounging (which I enjoy immensely) until John finishes his assessment. Tonight we'll hit the town and celebrate my birthday in style.

This is my first trip to Texas, and so far I love it. However, I'm a little confused by the fact that nobody has that exaggerated Texan accent I expected them to have. Do the people who leave the state of Texas feel the need to prove where they're from by drawling big time? Or is that accent just from a different region in Texas?

Well, better go. Off to do more lounging. :)

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

My birthday was a success. I got many lovely presents from coworkers, friends, and family. And I still have John’s present(s) to look forward to. :)

Two of my good friends came over last night and we ate Oreganos takeout, had too much junk food, and watched The Parent Trap. So fun! Then my friend TK spent the night so I wouldn’t have to be alone on my birthday, which was so nice of her. I needed it, too. I was kind of sad not having John around on my birthday. Being alone would have been a bit too much.

Plus, during the middle of the night I had a dream about that Danny kid from The Shining. I distinctly heard “Redrum! Redrum!” coming from somewhere in the house. It woke me up, and at that moment I was never so glad to have someone else in the house with me.

And this afternoon I’m off to San Antonio to meet up with my sweet husband. I can’t wait. In fact, I’m sitting here at work unable to concentrate. I just want to be with my husband again. I missed him way too much.

happy birthday to me!

Today is my birthday, and it’s been wonderful so far. (Apart from waking up in the morning with no one to cuddle next to. :( Which reminds me—without my husband’s built-in heater I had to wear pajamas, socks, AND warm up a rice bag to take to bed with me.)

Anyway, several items of interest.

1. A coworker gets bonus points after this conversation:

Her: How old are you turning?
Me: 31.
Her: WHAT??!!! I thought you were 22 or 23!

How she could think that, I don’t know. But it sure made my day.

2. Nobody noticed that I dyed my hair yesterday. Which is funny, considering the ordeal that it was. I’m sure TK will be mad at me for what I say, but I’m writing it anyway. My friend TK is kind enough to dye my hair for free. She is not a professional, and in her words, “You get what you pay for.”

I wanted my hair dyed to cover up the few gray hairs I have. It’s my birthday—no gray hairs! However, after we finished dyeing my hair, I looked in the mirror, and the gray hairs were still there on my head! I had no choice but to pull them out one by one.

The other problem is that the dye not only dyes my hair, but also my scalp and part of my face. No amount of scrubbing afterward gets it out. Time alone resolves that problem. Meanwhile, I look like leprosy has erupted on my head.

And then nobody can even tell a change has occurred with the color of my hair. Oh well. What can you do? But it’s my birthday, so I don’t care. I look hot today, and that’s all that matters.

our first night apart

I drove my husband to the airport this morning so he could fly to New York for a fellowship assessment. This is officially the first night since we got married that I (and he) will be sleeping alone. :( It’s going to be so weird. The bed will feel so empty.

The only sad thing is, my birthday is tomorrow, so I won’t get to be with him on my birthday. And I want to have a good birthday.

BUT, the good news is that I'm hanging out with my girlfriends Wednesday night, and then Thursday I fly to San Antonio to meet John (he has an assessment for a second fellowship in San Antonio), and we’ll celebrate my birthday together in Texas. :)

And I’ve already received some awesome presents—My sister got me Parent Trap I & II, and it’s difficult to explain to you how gleeful I was to get this present. Parent Trap II has never even been SOLD before; it was on TV only (which may explain to you the quality of that film…), and I’ve wanted to watch it for a long time, but just didn’t have it. So, yeah…time for a PT I-IV party!!!

My mother-in-law gave me a Victoria’s Secret gift card, which yielded me the best bra ever!

And my grandpa-in-law (is that correct?) gave me money.

And I wasn’t even expecting presents. I love my birthday!!!

i'm finally updating!

Okay, major update since I haven’t posted for so long.

Jury duty. I managed to be dismissed from the jury, probably because I admitted that it is possible I would trust the testimony of a police officer more than I would trust a regular person’s testimony. I knew when I said it that it might get me dismissed, but I said it because I truly think I might. It would be a subconscious thing, but it could happen.

And so, after spending most of that day sitting around in a lobby doing nothing, I was sent on my way, having done my duty to humanity (as a juror, at least. And only for the next year and a half.).

Work. My work situation is terrible. I have been so busy I go home at night and collapse. I’ve worked overtime this week, worked my butt off, and ultimately spend all my energy at a place I have no desire to be at. This is why I haven’t posted in a while, and also why I haven’t been looking for a new job. I just haven’t had the time and energy.

But you know what? Next week, I’m making time. I don’t care anymore that these things HAVE to get done at work. I’m taking a lunch. I’m going home at 5pm. I will not let this job suck me in for another year. I job search. End of story.

Life. I finally admitted to myself that I’m dealing with depression again. I guess I hoped that ignoring it would make it go away. Guess what? Ignoring didn’t help. So now I have to find a way out. Here’s what I’m going to try:

1. I’m changing my diet and exercise. I’m cutting out sugars and adding veggies, fruits, and a multi-vitamin. I’m going to go walking on my lunch hour at least twice a week. I’ll also do an exercise video at home once a week. I’ve started eating healthier this week, and I’m already noticing a difference in how I feel.

2. I’m going to start getting enough sleep. That will be a major help to me.

3. I’m job searching and won’t quit until I am working for a new employer.

4. I’m reading a book about how to make cognitive and behavioral changes. Depressed people have thought processes and behaviors that help keep them depressed, so I’m going to work on changing those things about me.

That’s my initial plan. I don’t want to set TOO many goals, because I tend to do that and then not accomplish much of anything.

The good news: I went to Victoria’s Secret and bought a fabulous bra, fabulous enough to make up for the bra I recently lost.

The bad news: I went up a size since last year, and we’re not talking cup size. :( Another reason why I will be exercising from now on.

In other news: I am taking a Chinese calligraphy class, which I just started today. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. I’ve tried to get into this class for two years, and I’m finally taking it! I guess you could say it’s been a dream of mine. I’ll let you know how it goes.

And that’s all for now. Have a good weekend!

my civic duty

I think there's only one thing worse than going to work on a Monday morning: going to JURY DUTY on a Monday morning.

But that's where I'll be. :)

p.s. I'm back. I've been sick and didn't really felt like posting, but I'll do better now.

more late night conversations

Background to this conversation: John snores, so I have a sound machine that makes “white noise” to drown out the snoring. John hates the sound machine.

Me: Can I turn on my sound machine?
J: No; I hate it so much.
Me: But how will I sleep if I don’t turn it on?
J: Watch Dr. Phil.
Me: What for?
J: I hear he can help with stuff like that.
Me: Uhhh…(speechless again!)
……………………

Me: Goodnight.
J: But wait. What about the pinewood derby?
Me: (what the…!!!?) Well, what about the pinewood derby?
J: Shouldn’t we be getting ready for it?
Me: No. Goodnight.

story of my life

I have put off writing this entry because of how angry I get just thinking about it. There aren’t words for the disgust and frustration I feel after getting a haircut last weekend. (And just how many times do I have to get a bad haircut, huh? Where is the justice? Where is the reprieve? Why can’t I have nice hair FOR ONCE?!!!)

My hairstylist did an amazing job two months ago, giving me a fabulous haircut. To me it felt edgy, sexy, and fairly natural (natural, that is, after I showered out the “poof” she styled my hair into.) I was so happy and impressed, but I knew that it was most likely a one-time fluke.

So after she cut my hair last weekend, I nearly cried I was so sad. I look mousy, babyish. Dull. I don’t even know how to describe what makes this cut bad; I can’t tell what she did differently. I just know that two months ago I felt sexy, and today I feel bland and not worth a second look. And my self-esteem has taken a dive because of it.

But I don’t understand how the same stylist could do such a bad job when she did so well the first time. And I don’t even know how to explain what I actually want, because I don’t know what the difference is!

So I look in a mirror and feel bad. I feel very, very unattractive. And I would love to kick my hairstylist.

nickel creek p.s.

p.s. I meant to add in my last post: We were so close to the stage that I could see that Sean Watkins has a lisp. The venue was standing room only :( but I truly enjoyed being so close to the musicians.

post-concert thoughts.

I meant to give a report on the Andrew Bird & Nickel Creek concert we went to on Wednesday. It was simply amazing. Andrew Bird was the opening act, and John and I had heard some of his songs, but they are NOTHING compared to his performance live. I was in love with his voice from the time that he opened his mouth. I tried to think of a word that could describe what I loved about it, and all I came up with was pure. Andrew Bird’s voice is clear and pure and doesn’t need any backup. But, if you read my husband’s blog, he described all the interesting instruments he used. Amazingly talented man. Wow. Just wow.

Andrew Bird was so amazing and unusual, however, that (in my opinion) he outperformed Nickel Creek, and their show was just a little bit lacking by comparison. And Nickel Creek was very good, don’t get me wrong. Andrew Bird just blew me away and was such a pleasant surprise. I’d see him live again.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend about how lucky I am to have such a thoughtful, perceptive husband who thinks to do something like that for me, and she told me it’s beyond lucky: that I found a rare, wonderful man. I couldn’t agree more; it’s just a little overwhelming to know that someone that good happened to me.

the disney report, days 3, 4, and 5

Well, to sum it all up:

Rides were ridden. Churros were eaten (but not enough of them. There’s never enough churro eating.) We got sick as dogs and kept on pushing and shoving at Disneyland anyway. We were beyond exhausted and kept getting up at 6am anyway.

John met Mickey.
























We met Pluto.


















And yes, on our last day there, we finally met the pardoned turkey. Our work at Disneyland was done.


















So until next time, we truly overloaded on Disneyland. I’ve had my fill for the next few years, anyway!

dream interpretation

The other day I dreamed I was married to some creep and was in the middle of a messy divorce. John was my divorce lawyer. It turns out that my divorce lawyer and I have an affair.

I told John about my dream.

Me: Interpret this dream for me.
John: Um...we're meant to be together no matter what?

hands down, my husband is the best

What an interesting weekend we had. I pretty much acted like a jerkface to my husband. Or, as I started saying after we watched part of Elf, I’m a cotton-headed ninny muggins. I tried not to act that way, but the more I tried, the worse it got. I had built up some resentment, and instead of talking about it, I acted not very nice. Yeah, not the best thing to do.

Then at church on Sunday, we had a lesson on forgiveness in Sunday school. John and I are in a “couples” Sunday School class, and it’s an 8-week course on how to be a better spouse. I have really enjoyed it. But anyway, the lesson was on forgiveness, and I realized that I desperately needed forgiveness for the way I had been treating my husband. And I realized that resentment was poisoning me and I needed to stop.

So after church we talked…and talked…and talked. I think it went amazingly well. I’m proud of the way were able to talk about difficult and somewhat painful topics without getting defensive or angry. We’ve worked hard to be able to interact this way. Anyway, from this conversation I learned how much I’ve been hurting my husband by my actions. And I learned what a remarkable and wonderful husband I have. When he understood the concern I had, he hugged me. And then he said something like, “I won’t tell you that things will be better; you will see it in my actions.” I know he means it.

And I mean it too. I felt terrible when I learned how I’ve been hurting my husband, and I don’t want to do that anymore.

To top it all off, at the end of the day, my husband presented me with a card. Our nine-month anniversary is today (yeah!), and the card was a sweet Christmas card that contained an early Christmas/anniversary present: tickets to go see Nickel Creek on Wednesday! I was shocked. First, he noticed that I love Nickel Creek, second he noticed that they were going to be in town. Third, he did something about it! Wow. I felt so loved. He’s the best. Truly.

the disney report, day 2

Disneyland, Day 2 (Thursday)

It didn’t feel like Thanksgiving, waking up at 6am and eating a substandard breakfast at the hotel continental breakfast. It’s a free breakfast, so beggars can’t be choosers, but they didn’t even serve name-brand cereal. I was forced to eat “Tasty Flakes” or something.

We made it to Disneyland just before its opening. A few of us had gotten there earlier and held our place in line, but we felt a little awkward when the 5 people in line were joined by about 15 people. Sorry, all you people behind us in line. We’re a big family.

Surprisingly, Grandma and Frank were nowhere to be seen. I pictured them back at their hotel, snuggling in bed together, enjoying their time alone. Kind of cute, if a little weird to picture your grandma as a newlywed. In reality, though, I think what really happened is that Frank was tired and Grandma couldn’t get him out of bed.

So our first ride was Splash Mountain, and some of us, including me and John, got SOAKED! Two rides later we were on Pirates of the Caribean and got soaked again! Seriously, my underwear felt squishy. I sat down and left a butt print behind when I got up. The wetness was unpleasant, but we pressed onward. By the end of the day, we had ridden just about all the major rides.

We did sneak a nap in during the middle of the day, though. The plan was to nap during the day so we could stay at Disneyland until midnight. But after the nap we felt more disoriented than rested.

Then we were right back at it—pushing and shoving our way through the park. Thanksgiving day was just plain crowded. I don’t mind a small crowd, but Disneyland can be ridiculous. Especially when we got caught at the end of a parade, walking 50 steps an hour, or when John and I were caught between a Mickey siting and a million screaming kids; well…me no likey.

We also managed to eat a Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant near Disneyland. Let’s just say it was pretty good for having been cooked in a restaurant made to serve hundreds of old people some really cheap food. In other words, imagine eating Thanksgiving dinner at Denny’s, and you’ve got a picture of our dinner. But it was fun to be all together, and the food wasn’t horrible.

I don’t think we quite made it until midnight that night, but we were close. I do know we rode Big Thunder Mountain three times in a row, all within the space of about 10 minutes. We love screaming on that ride. For some reason (Howdy partners. This here is the wildest ride in the WILDERNESS!), it’s a family favorite.

So we went to bed tired, knowing we’d be up at 6am again the next morning. To be continued…

Picture of the day. Here’s John and I in line for the Matterhorn. Can you tell we are still wet?

the disney report, day 1

I’m finally getting around to our vacation play-by-play. Disneyland during Thanksgiving is not recommended. It’s crowded. It’s germ filled. (Which is why I took so long to post—I’ve been sick!) But we did it, and we survived. This is the report:

Disneyland, Day 1 (Wednesday)

Our hotel is seriously 30 feet from the gate to Disneyland. It may smell weird and have a crappy continental breakfast, but it’s all about location.

My dad took my neice Sareny to Downtown Disney, and immediately bought her a sweatshirt. We didn’t see that one coming…The rest of us joined them a little later, but I wasn’t so impressed. It’s just a dubiously Disney themed outdoor mall that’s overpriced simply because it’s right by Disneyland. I don’t think so.

We met my grandma’s husband Frank for the first time. She got married in a whirlwind romance (can that really happen in your 70s?) – they started dating in August; got married in October. Frank is nice enough, but I think everyone – including my grandma! – is comparing him to my grandpa who died about three years ago. Competing with a memory is difficult, I’m sure. My sister Cassidy actually started crying (not in front of him, of course). She cannot really come to terms with my grandma loving any man other than my grandpa.

We exchanged Disneyland “surprises” that first day. Every time we go to Disneyland, we make each other some kind of surprise related to Disneyland. Sometimes we get a little elaborate, but it’s fun! Cassidy & her fiancé James created a cute Mickey maze, and made Mickey cookies. My dad made lists of all the ‘hidden mickeys’ in Disneyland (A hidden mickey, for those of you who are wondering, is, in a nutshell: Within the Disneyland park are strategically arranged items, like dinner plates on a table, that resemble Mickey's head. They're usually semi-hidden, and fun to find.), and offered prizes to those who found the most hidden mickeys. Hillari & Alexis made a fun word game. Jake & Liz gave us the Indiana Jones decoder pins. John and I created a photo book that contained several pictures taken at Disneyland. The first picture is a close-up and they had to guess where in Disneyland the picture was taken before they turn the page and see. For example, do you know where this picture was taken?:

.

.

.

.

.

.

Here's the answer:

We ended the evening at a restaurant down the street to celebrate my sister Cassidy’s 21st birthday. John secretly got the waiter to bring out desert and sing Happy Birthday. Good times. Good food.

Oh yes, and let's not forget that we argued back and forth over which ride would be first the next morning. We finally agreed on Splash Mountain, and then went to bed knowing we'd be getting up at 6am the next morning!

To be continued…

Happy Thanksgiving!!

We're off to the happiest place on earth to spend Thanksgiving with 50,000 of our closest friends. My husband sent me this link this morning. It's nice to know that we'll also get to see the pardoned turkey during our stay at Disneyland!

And just because I can, and because I just pulled out these wedding pictures, I leave you with a photo from my second reception, held in an art gallery in Scottsdale. (Photo taken by TK.) In the picture we are in a small gathering of friends and family, exchanging rings for the benefit of those who were not able to be with us in the temple on our wedding day. It was a surprisingly touching moment, because we both got to share our feelings about each other. The gouged wall behind us is actually a piece of art hanging on the wall.

hot kisses

I went to the chiropractor yesterday, and it reminded me of something that happened last time I went…

I’ve been seeing the chiropractor for pain in my forearm, and as a treatment, she massages this icy hot type of gel onto my arm. That night, while sitting on the couch, J randomly started kissing my arm. Keep in mind this is not typical behavior. It’s not like he kisses my arm on a regular basis, but for some reason, he did that day. In fact, he kissed it several times.

Then, a minute later he turned to me with lips puckered and said, “Why are my lips numb?” I laughed and laughed when I realized he had been kissing on my icy hot. Hee hee.

new york doll

Before I post anything else, I have to say this:

I just saw the most amazing movie this weekend. It's called New York Doll, and it blew me away.

The film is a documentary that centers around Arthur "Killer" Kane, a founding member of the influential band the New York Dolls, but this is not a movie about a glam-rock band. The band broke up a few short years after its inception, and Kane struggled to find his niche in life, eventually joining the LDS church, but this is not a film about religion. This is a film about the beauty and humanity of one man.

If you have the chance, see this film! I guarantee you will not be disappointed. Right now it's only available in the NYC, LA, SLC, and Phoenix areas, though it is expanding to other areas soon. If you live in AZ, it's showing at Harkins Centerpoint in Tempe. Go see this movie. And then tell me what you think.